It's Still There
by words end here
Summary: After a summer of avoidance and awkward glances, B and N are forced to come together during their senior year. Tired of trying to tame the bad boy, she considers letting Nate back into her life again. BN, CS, DV, with DS and CB along the way. Complete!
1. Never over

**A/N**: At last, a start to the Blair and Nate story I've wanted to write since...I forgot! And this story is not summer based. Its almost the beginning of senior year and naturally Blair's questioning things, you know as you do. She and Chuck got together during the summer again. If your a BC fan, you probably will not want to read this unless you tolerate NB. And its the first chapter, so nothing spectacular happens, it just setting things up (: and if you want, leave a review.

--

"Shall I stay the night?" Chuck Bass asked Blair Waldorf cautiously. Normally, he was very far from cautious but Blair made him nervous. She had been different tonight; something was off and he wanted to ask her but he knew if he did, it would most likely result in his head being ate off. They had dinner with Eleanor after coming back from the Hamptons. In all honesty, Blair loved her boyfriend but ever since that party when Chuck convinced her that they could work, work properly as a couple, she'd been spending almost every night with him. She wanted space. She wanted clarity; she needed peace to figure out where her life was going, if she even liked the person she was becoming with him.

"I was actually thinking of visiting Serena or something." Blair replied, searching for any excuse to throw him off. The sex was good, but the thrill was lost. Maybe it was the cheating, the whole forbidden love syndrome, but Blair wasn't as exhilarated when they were together anymore. Considering Nate supported team 'Blair heart Chuck always and forever', they weren't forbidden anymore. They were free to attend brunch – as a couple, to walk to school – as a couple and just be together now. All the things she and Nate had done, she was now doing with Chuck. And he was surprisingly accepting of her demands, as long as he got what he wanted in return of course.

"Fine," Chuck replied, his tone verging on vicious, "I'm picking you up for brunch tomorrow." He told her in his best 'I'm your boyfriend now' tone. A smile curled on Blair's lips. He was trying; he was really giving them a try.

And she wished that was enough.

"Okay, I'll see you then." She responded in a sweet tone. She rolled off her bed and kissed him on the mouth before he went out the door. Chuck pulled back and paused for a moment, just to look at her.

"This is good, isn't it? Us together, the power couple of the Upper East Side." He murmured. Blair froze.

"Yep," she blurted, "it's great." She confirmed. Chuck raised an eyebrow in amusement and then walked away.

Blair shut the door and flopped down on her bed. It wasn't great. It was good, but not great. He was being supportive, caring and all…unlike Chuck. The Chuck that seduced her in the back of a mil months ago. How in the hell did the summer of two thousand and eight ever result in them as a couple, she didn't know. She was Blair; she had pride, dignity and commanded your respect.

And the same girl let Chuck Bass crawl back into her bed in a matter weeks later when he stood her up on their supposed romantic summer getaway?

"What the fuck am I doing?" She groaned into her pillow. She honestly had no idea. School was beginning the day after tomorrow and she came to the conclusion that school should just rule her life this year, if she was going to get into Yale. Chuck and his fantasies would have to wait, Serena and her stupid Dan drama too. And Nate-

Nate.

Blair and Nate barely talked all summer. What was there to talk about? He was probably still staring at Serena in her DKNY bikini in his mind right now. Not that N and S had been together during summer. Not that Serena had informed Blair about anyway. Blair got up and looked at the photo on her bedside of her, Nate and Serena together. She smiled, with a tinge of sadness. She picked up the photo frame. Chuck must have wondered why it hadn't been replaced with a new photo of them lounging in the Hamptons over summer, but Blair didn't care. She found her index finger was tracing Nate's face. The hair, the eyes, the nose and that stupid cute smile.

"Stupid Nate." She whispered. Well, he was stupid. But he was hers. Was. She couldn't bare the thought of Nate and Serena together, although Serena had constantly assured Blair that it wasn't possible. Then there was Vanessa. Well, Blair knew Vanessa could not compete with her. _He needed me. _Blair thought bitterly, resisting the urge the throw the photo across her room. Kitty Minky wobbled up to her and she stroked his fur. She knew Chuck didn't need her, not the way Nate did. And Blair needed to be needed.

Blair Waldorf was lost. And she needed someone to find her again.

--

"Nate Archibald." Vanessa greeted him as he strolled into the café where she worked. A smile spread across his face at the sight of her. Someone to talk to was here. He could talk to Serena, but it's not like he could pour his heart out to her when she was going to tell Blair about it.

Vanessa came out from behind the counter and he enveloped her in a hug. "I missed you." He said gruffly. He genuinely did. Vanessa was his new Chuck, basically. Things with Chuck were not so good. Nate couldn't quite put his finger on it, but things had changed. He thought he didn't mind him with Blair.

He thought a lot of things.

Nate sat down and Vanessa got out a mug. "What will it be then?" She asked.

"Surprise me." He replied, smiling.

"So, how are things with Serena?" Vanessa asked, probing for information.

"There's nothing going on between Serena and me." Nate replied in a monotone. It was his mantra for all summer, basically. "How are things with Dan?" He shot back.

"Well, surprise, surprise nothings happening there either. He's not over her. And at this rate he never will be." She rolled her eyes. "I hear Blair and Chuck are the only happy ones these days. They're cute together. Evil cute, ya know?" She added. She set down his cup of coffee and Nate gulped it down.

"I haven't really been talking to Blair so I wouldn't know." He admitted, sadness lining his tone. Vanessa looked into his eyes, knowingly.

"Well maybe you should go talk to her then. How long were you two together anyway?" She inquired.

Nate smiled, remembering. "Dating – dated since kindergarten basically." He said hesitantly. Vanessa smiled. Although she'd never admit it, she always thought the childhood romances were the ones that lasted. When you have intense feelings for someone at that age, they never really go away, completely. Like her and Dan. They'd been best friends, and then fell in love, but it was too late.

But it wasn't too late for him and Blair.

"It's still there, isn't it?" She quipped. Nate looked up into her dark brown eyes. Vanessa knew him so well, already.

"It's still there." He repeated.

--

"You ever think we chose the right paths, B?" Serena asked breathily. After Blair's little reminiscent time, she had gone over to the van der Bass residence to visit her best friend. They were lounging in the blond's bedroom, having a good old fashioned best friend heart to heart.

"Sometimes I question being with Chuck," she began, "but I think he might be the one for me-

"Really?" Serena interjected. Blair shot her a glare, "it's just…okay, Blair don't kill me for saying this but you two seemed like a summer couple." She said, her cheeks red with embarrassed. "You're in love with him?"

Blair couldn't answer that. Actually she could.

"No, but I could fall in love with him." She corrected. She could. It was just taking time that was all. You don't fall for someone the first time you see them.

"I remember, you completely fell for Nate the first time you saw him," Serena said sentimentally, "you were like "S, S! Look at _him._" She giggled. A smile couldn't help but appear on Blair's face too. Apparently, the age of innocence was over.

"Yeah well look how we turned out." She said sarcastically.

"You two should at least be friends or something. You can't just throw history away like that." Serena said sympathetically. She knew Blair missed him; he was a huge part of her life, the biggest. He was her rock, her fucking fairy prince who swooped into save the day. But then again, Nate and Blair were never just friends.

"It's late. I better go home; Chuck's picking me up for brunch." She informed Serena. "He's being all supportive." She added, smiling.

"Chuck actually dealing with a girl the morning after, huh?" She cracked.

"Where's Humphrey? Still in your heart?" Blair questioned, although she already knew the answer to that question.

Serena looked out her bedroom window at the view.

"I'm just…not ready for him yet." She told her. Blair picked up her trench coat and put it on, it was raining outside. Blair loved walking in the rain; she had a dream about it once. Fall weathers had entered early this year. Of course, Eleanor would greet her with a "We are Waldorf's, Blair! We have cars, for god's sake!" But Blair didn't care.

_Me too. _Blair thought to herself and Serena showed her out.

--

"You're not going out in that, are you?" Vanessa demanded of Nate.

"I have to go home, I've been here all evening Vanessa!" He insisted. He was in no mood for his mother's issues, when he enough of his own.

"Hey," she said, nodding her head in the direction of the door, "look who it is."

Nate turned around, expecting Dan or Serena.

It was Blair, hair soaked, mascara running and she seemed to be walking aimlessly.

In a way, she knew he was here. This café was surely his new hide out since he and Chuck weren't the same, and how could they ever be?

She glanced into the building. Nate was looking straight at her. The raindrops hit her head harder now. Vanessa was there too, looking at her. But all she could see was Nate.

She nodded at him and smiled. It was a strange smile. Was she smiling because she still was in love with him? Because she knew they should be friends? Or was it a goodbye smile?

All she knew, whatever this thing with Nate was now, it was far from over.


	2. Brunch

**A/N: **So the story is TV based but I'm also going to put elements of the books in here too. (:

--

Sunday came quicker than Blair would've liked. She glanced over at her clock at her bedside and it was roughly seven minutes past six in the morning. She didn't know why, but she didn't sleep. Usually, Chuck would have worn her out in more ways than one but as he wasn't present tonight, she was left with herself and her memories. She thought about the summer that had just passed. School began tomorrow and soon it was back to focusing on her future, although there was someone missing. Of course, she was never going to admit it. She'd had enough of humiliation to ever let her heart out like that again. Nate didn't even talk to her, and there she was, right there in front of him, smiling, practically commanding him out to talk but there he was, glued to his bar stool, his vacant eyes darting from Blair back to Vanessa.

She remembers a postcard she was going to send to Serena. She pulled it out of her drawer and scanned it.

_Dear S,_

_Are you and Nate hooking up? You can tell me if you are. I won't be mad, I swear. Gossip Girl has been going crazy with your supposed romance. Serena/Nate summer watch 2008? It's like Gossip Girl has turned into Us Weekly. Well, let me know what the truth is. No matter what I won't care. Really, xo B._

_P.S. But seriously, you can tell me the truth. I'm a big girl._

Except when she was writing that postcard, she didn't feel like a big girl. She felt like she was twelve years old again, worried at the prospect of the blond űber girl who could click her fingers and every boy and even some girls would have came running to beg for a chance stealing Natie away all over again. She would be angry. To say she'd care was an understatement. She shoved it back into the drawer and felt like calling Serena, demanding the truth once and for all.

But instead, she suppressed the twelve year old inside and remembered that Serena gad grown over the past year. If sleeping with Nate sent her running to boarding school once, she wouldn't do it again, right?

--

Nate flipped open his cell and scrolled down his contacts. Who to call? Of course there was a time when there was only one girl to call, but now she was being called by Chuck. Nate sighed. Vanessa was not a brunch girl. She was more of a cereal for breakfast girl. Of course, Serena, his best friend and overall best girl.

"Serena?" Nate voiced huskily down the phone. On the other line, Serena smiled. It had been a while…since the "incident" had occurred and she was hoping the tension between herself and Nate had summered a bit.

Blair's insecurity over Nate and Serena wasn't unfounded. They did sleep together. Once, during their summer in the Hamptons. Blair didn't know, because well, Blair was sleeping with Chuck by this stage. It was a complete disaster. They were making out, kissing each other ferociously, because they knew now that they could and Blair couldn't chop their heads off for it. Serena burst into tears. Not because the sex with Nate was necessarily bad, he was just the wrong guy. Nate had loved Serena, but she wasn't the one he wanted to be kissing and Serena never loved Nate back because she was still in love with Dan. And winning him back was not going to be easy because clearly, Vanessa loved Dan too. Messed up? Not in the slightest.

"Hey Nate," She said in her best 'we're best-buds' tone. "Brunch?"

"Yeah I was actually calling to see if you'd come with." He suggested. "You know that Blair's with Chuck and all that."

"No I actually didn't know about that." she replied sarcastically. Nate Archibald and his genius.

"Shut up, I pick you up okay?" He responded playfully.

"If you insist." She shot back. Serena smiled, the crying sex disaster was over and she and Nate were friends again. She had to admit, she was naked during the sex but the tears made her feel more naked than anything. But Nate smiled sympathetically, picked her up in his arms, gave her a robe and let her sleep. He wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, it's not like he and Serena hadn't slept together before. They just needed someone, anyone. And there they were the two of them, heartbroken and confused so they decided to heal themselves the only way they really knew how. Sex was uncomplicated, except when Serena's tears were involved.

"Hey," Nate began, "have you been talking to Blair lately?" He ventured. He couldn't stop thinking about last night, the film of Blair just standing there outside in the rain. He didn't know why he just didn't storm out there, grab her around her waist and press his lips to hers, rectifying everything. But then there was Chuck.

"I was talking to her last night as a matter of fact," she told him, Nate perked up slightly, "I think she misses you, Nate. Why don't you just talk to her? You two have a history too big to ignore." She advised him softly.

Why didn't he just talk to her? She was right in front of him last night but he was paralyzed, unable to get up.

"Well I can talk to her today." He replied. "I'll see you later." He clicked off and ran his left hand through his brown hair, highlighted with blond streaks by the summer sun.

Why didn't he just talk?

--

Blair and Chuck were sitting with Kati and Isabelle at their table, waiting on Nate and Serena to join them. Bart Bass was hosting this particular brunch, along with his wife Lily. Serena hadn't really warmed up to the whole van der Bass situation just yet; Chuck hadn't grown any less annoying. But he was loyal, she'd give him that. And Eric liked having an older brother, so she'd put up with it, as long as this marriage lasted more than five minutes.

Nate and Serena walked into the room, together and Blair's eyes caught Nate's. And they stayed there for a while until she broke contact with another gulp of champagne.

"Hey," she murmured to Chuck, tugging his hand, and pressing her lips to his. She didn't know why she was doing it, but kissing Chuck right here and right now seemed like the only option.

"Okay, please, stop it!" Serena whined, slapping Blair on the arm as she took her place next to Blair at their table.

"Nathaniel," Chuck began in that smug tone of his, "any interest in catching up later? It's like you've fallen on the face of the earth."

"Sure." Nate drawled.

"You don't sound all that enthusiastic." he commented, "I'm sure you'll be enthusiastic with a few drinks in you." He said, handing over a bottle of champagne over to him. Nate cracked it open and poured him and Serena each a glass.

"Hey Blair." Nate said, directly to her. Blair took her eyes off Chuck.

"Hey." Was all she was able to manage. She tore his eyes away from him to Serena and asked, "There I was thinking cabbage patch would be accompanying you. Where is the virgin?" She demanded.

Serena gave her the eyebrow. Dan wasn't really Blair's favorite topic of conversation, why so desperate to change the subject, B?

"I still haven't talked to him." She admitted. Nate gave her a look as if to say "and you're commanding me to talk to Blair?"

"Cabbage patch is old," Chuck interjected, "Gossip Girl's Nate and Serena love watch two thousand and eight kept me very entertained, I must admit." He commented, looking at Nate suggestively. In Chuck mind, Nate and Serena were doing each other every night just as he and Blair were, and eventually they'd admit it because they belonged together.

Chuck's warped view of the Upper East Side was still very warped.

Blair flinched and was reminded of her postcard and the possibility of Nate and Serena, which was why Dan Humphrey had become a hot topic. The sooner D and S got back together, N would be alone and he'd come crawling back to B. And C could hook up with V, or whatever. Chuck had half the Upper East Side to keep him company.

Blair straightened Chuck's bow tie and Nate couldn't look. His stare averted to the ceiling.

"You don't mind if Nate and I go out by ourselves this evening, do you?" Chuck whispered to her.

"You won't be out yourselves. It's a day before school starts, Serena and I are coming too, right S?" She told Serena a little louder. Serena flicked her hair back. She looked empty and wistful.

"Yeah, sure whatever." She replied casually. She was planning on maybe making a trip over to the Humphrey apartment this evening, but what was the point? He'd probably make a film with Vanessa or whatever he did now that Serena was gone. The guilt of sleeping with Nate was still eating her up inside and she didn't know how long it could remain a secret for.

"Fine, we're all going out tonight then and we're going to have a fucking amazing time!" Chuck made a toast and everyone clinked glasses.

Nate couldn't find much to celebrate.

Neither could Blair.

--

_Not that you're the one  
Not to say I'm right  
Not to say today  
And not to say a thing tonight_

_But suffice it to say  
We're leaving things unsaid  
We sing ourselves to sleep  
Watching the day lie down instead_

_And we are leaving some things unsaid  
And we are breathing deeper instead_

_Unsaid – The Fray._

--

**So not a lot happened in this chapter, I just wanted some build-up before all the secrets come out ;)**** I hope you liked and feedback is much appreciated. Oh and the postcard is actually off the GG website! I wanted a bit of authenticity in there. (:  
**


	3. New Beginnings?

**Update time! (:**

--

He promised an amazing time. He even promised to get her home at a decent hour. He promised he even loved her.

Chuck Bass promised a lot of things, but that usually means he won't follow through.

"Is it just me or this night getting worse by the minute and how come I want to kill everyone a little more than usual tonight?" Blair snapped irritably at Serena, who jerked her head up from the brunettes shoulder. Serena wasn't having a fantastic time herself, and she knew why. It was Dan, stupid Humphrey just wasn't budging out of her head, was he?

Oh, and there was the small little fact that she hadn't told Blair about the incident, as she preferred to refer to it. She hadn't really felt compelled to do so; Blair was completely and totally blissful with Chuck. If she didn't know she would be, she wouldn't have cheated on beloved Nathaniel in the first place, surely?

When you live the warped world that is the Upper East Side, you'll find that logic and reasoning usually flies out the window.

"You wanna get out of here?" Blair asked Serena, "You can sleep over. We'll head into school together tomorrow." She offered. And right now, Blair's silk sheets and comfortable four poster bed sounded like heaven to Serena at this present moment. _I'll tell her, tonight. _She commanded herself. She owed Blair the truth, the girls were supposed to do things right this time.

Except doing things right usually means you don't sleep with the love of your best friend's life, even if they were broken up. Best friends and exes? They don't mix. No matter how hard you stir.

"Let's get out of here, B." She said her eyes sleepy. It was coming up to midnight and they'd had enough of the tension between Chuck and Nate. Blair liked to think that she had been the one to cause it, but she'd come to the realistic conclusion that they'd fought over something else.

Really, B? Have C and N ever fought over anything else?

"I'm gonna go, Chuck. I'll see you okay?" Blair leaned over and kissed him, and kept kissing him an extra five seconds longer, because well, Nate was in the room. His stare averted to Serena's gaze and their eyes widened as he approached her to say goodbye.

"Blair doesn't know, does she?" He asked in attempt to be casual about it.

"If you haven't told her, no. But I was thinking of telling her tonight because-

"Serena…are you sure that's a good idea?" He cut her off.

"Well it wasn't a good idea to be together, was it? So no, Nate its not a good idea but we owe her the truth this time." She explained, exasperated. In was in Nate's nature to get the things he wanted without ever really trying, but when it came to Blair, things always shifted into a more difficult setting. He had to work for it. Nate just stood there.

"You're right." He said reluctantly. "Do you want us to tell her together?" He offered, it wasn't fair that she should be left in for it all alone.

"It's okay. I'm a big girl, Archibald. Look I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" She smiled sympathetically at Nate_. If this was the end of B and S_, she thought to herself_, it shouldn't have to be the end of N and B. _

--

"You've been quite all night, Nathaniel." The unmistakable voice remarked. Chuck swigged scotch out of his vintage tumbler as the dance floor below them pulsated with bass. The two boys were in the VIP section above, which was very, very decadent indeed. It was Bart Bass's latest purchase and of course Chuck had come to suss the place out and of course, it was just another club in the endless collection the Upper East Side had accumulated.

Nate hadn't ever been much of a talker and he certainly was not in a chatty mood tonight. This was it, Chuck and Blair were going to kiss each other every day for the rest of their lives, they'd go to college (well, Blair would), get married and have scheming, evil children.

Not that Nate was bitter or anything.

"I'm just bummed about school tomorrow." Nate replied in a monotone. He was bummed about a lot of things right now, but of course Chuck couldn't know.

"Tell me about it, I don't what I'm going to do about college. We have our best friends though and our trust funds." He winked at Nate smugly, forgetting that after this year, Nate had torn remains of a trust fund. Chuck noticed his friends silence again. "I'm sorry, I-

"Forgot?" He said gruffly, "you know Chuck; you forget a lot of things. Like the fact that this may just have been the worst year of my life, the fact that Blair was my girlfriend and you went ahead and slept with her anyway or the fact that I forgive you anyway because you're Chuck Bass. I keep thinking I'm going to get my best friend back and he's nowhere to be seen." He finished his rant, fuming and downing his beer. Chuck was left open mouthed.

"I know we've taken a lot of hits this year Nate but I need you to know that I'm only loyal to a select few and your one of them." He said quietly to him because the bar tender wouldn't stop staring at the little soap opera that had just unfolded.

"No, Chuck, I've taken the hits. You've made them." He replied bitterly and stormed out.

Chuck stood there, his scarf still on perfectly and his body froze with regret as he watched Nate go out. He couldn't understand why he had just blown up…like that. He seemed accepting of his union with Blair weeks ago, what had changed?

Nate's mind was clear now, and all he could really see was Blair.

--

"Can we talk?" Vanessa peered around Dan Humphrey's bedroom door. Dan swirled around in his chair and greeted her with a lazy, slow smile. He was always glad to talk to Vanessa.

"Sure. At a more reasonable hour?" He touted. He was tired and had fallen asleep during a break from writing morbid break up poems. As much as he tried to forget, he just couldn't. You don't forget the ex girlfriend, especially when it happens to be Serena van der Woodsen. But Vanessa was here to pick up the pieces, she always was and she probably always would be.

Except now, she was sick of picking up the pieces. She wanted his heart all for herself now, and she wasn't sure if right now was the right time, but she'd probably be waiting forever if she was waiting for "the right time." There was no such thing as the perfect moment.

She fidgeted for a minute, debating whether she should stand up and declare her love for him or sit down and explain to him.

She was never much of an "I'm proclaiming my undying love for you here!" girl.

"Sorry, I know it's late." She told him.

"Late? Vanessa…" he trailed off, too tired to come up with a decent, snarky Dan Humphrey comeback.

"Are you okay? No comeback?" She smiled.

"No comeback." He gave in. And it was very rarely that Dan ever did give in. He was pretty sure that she was the only girl he had ever given into.

"I'm just going to say it." Vanessa stated, running a hand through her brown hair and doing her best not to die of embarrassment, "because I'm me and you're you and…"

"Well, I'd like to think so." Dan remarked.

"And we can tell each other anything because we're best friends." She said. It was a universal truth at this point.

And that's when she noticed that there was a picture of Serena on Dan's desk where he spent most of his time at. That's when she realized that she and Dan were best _friends_. He'd never see her in that way. And now she thought she was a complete fool that he ever would, because he didn't love her. He loved Serena.

"You need to get Serena back." She blurted out in a complete fit of stupidity.

_What. The. Fuck. _She thought to herself. What was she doing? She'd come here to tell him how she felt. Now this.

Vanessa always had Dan's best interests at heart. And if she wasn't the one in his heart, well there's was only one girl who would be.

--

Blair was taking a shower and Serena lay on the bed, exhausted and frustrated. Tell Blair and face being thrown out on the street at one in the morning? Or stay quiet and battle with guilt through another sleepless night? She got up and paced around the room and admired Blair's taste, and her Audrey Hepburn movie collection. Funny face, Paris when it sizzles, Sabrina and of course, no collection is complete without Breakfast at Tiffany's. She smiled knowingly. She loved snooping around Blair's room, because Blair had a heavily guarded heart. It was like seeing a sealed off part of Blair or something…they had tried to get back to how they were over the past year, but they couldn't. Sure they were there we they really, really needed each other but it wasn't the same. There was a time when Serena just sauntered into Blair's room unannounced, now she knocked. There was a time when Blair played with Serena's gorgeous hair and stole food off Serena's plate like it was the most natural thing, now she asked permission and she ate of her own plate all the time now because that's what a civilized, manner able lady would do. A lot of the little things had changed between the two. And we all know it's the little things that make up the big things.

Serena poked around Blair's dressing table, picking up little things and laughing at them and observing all the old photos Blair still kept on display of her, Serena and Nate. Blair kept them up because she likes consistency, Serena thought to herself. Blair's dreams and goals had been the same, always had been. Go to Yale, marry Nate, and keep her friendship with Serena intact and major in law. Serena opened a little drawer. And that's when she found it.

She didn't send postcards because there were these fabulous new things called e-mails and instant messaging, but Blair was a traditional girl at heart. A big picture of a city which was of course Venice was on the side. She flipped it over.

_Dear S,_

_Are you and Nate hooking up? You can tell me if you are. I won't be mad, I swear. Gossip Girl has been going crazy with your supposed romance. Serena/Nate summer watch 2008? It's like Gossip Girl has turned into Us Weekly. Well, let me know what the truth is. No matter what I won't care. Really, xo B._

_P.S. But seriously, you can tell me the truth. I'm a big girl._

Serena didn't know if Blair was endorsing the 'Nate/Serena summer watch' and being a good friend and accepting it, or telling her subtlety to stay away from him.

"So you found it then. I should have ripped that up." Blair commented as she dried her hair with a crisp white towel. Serena whisked around, cheeks red and eye wider than usual.

"I just…I-

"It's alright, Serena. I know you snoop around here. I've gotten used to it over the years, darling." She said, grinning at her friend's bashful nature. "Besides, it's not like you did anyway…" Blair trailed off, subconsciously demanding answers from Serena.

"Did what?" Serena asked breathily.

"You know, hooked up with Nate." She said, putting words into her best friend's mouth.

And this is the part when the shit hits.

And honestly, both of them felt it coming.

"Blair I have something to tell you. And I need you to know that I didn't do it to hurt and neither did Nate, but it happened. We were both heartbroken and we were just both there and it happened." Serena said earnestly.

"Did you sleep with him or not, Serena?" She demanded.

"Yeah, we were together, Blair but it was a complete disaster-

"I don't care." Blair said quietly, shocking Serena.

"What?" The taller girl croaked out.

"No, actually I do care," Blair began, correcting her previous statement, "I Care a lot that you slept with Nate. What I meant is that I don't care what you have to say in defense of yourself because you knew it hurt me last time and you knew it was going to hurt me this time."

Serena was left with her mouth open and tears surfacing. But she wasn't going to let them fall.

"Blair, you're with Chuck. He wasn't your boyfriend. It's not like we-

"Cheated?" Blair filled in the blank, "you know, technically I guess you're right but it feels like you both cheated. You could have said-

"I'm saying now Blair!" Serena said, more frustrated than ever. Seeing her best friend dismantled because of Nate, even when she was still with Chuck touched something inside of Serena.

Blair was still in love with Nate, and she done a good job of hiding it but she just gave herself away.

"You could have told me that you still love him." Serena informed her. "It's not like I'd show Chuck any sibling loyalty because my mom and his dad are married. You're still my best friend."

Blair turned away from Serena and just stared outside her window, observing the city below her. She knew Serena probably hadn't done it out of spite. It was no secret Nate had a thing for her. But Blair had thought that Nate and Serena was a spur of the moment affair, not the real, epic love she and Nate had shared. Apparently not, then. And she wanted to forgive Serena, but she couldn't. She just couldn't, she was incapable of it. She wanted to hate Nate right now and still love Serena, but things were the other way around now.

"Should I leave?" Serena asked timidly.

"No. Just be gone before I wake up tomorrow." She said, collapsing into her bed.

_We were heartbroken. _Blair heard Serena's words in her mind again as she lay her head on her pillow. Everybody was heartbroken. Nate, Serena, Cabbage patch and now Blair.

It was time to fix things, Blair thought. A new school year provided the opportunity for new chances.

--

**Thanks for reading and I love reviews! (:**


	4. Bedroom visits

--

"I need to talk to you." Blair demanded, pounding her hands on the counter causing Vanessa to jerk around, her eyes wide with surprise. And it was scary, because it was Blair Waldorf. Here. Downtown. What the hell? The coffee shop slash art gallery was not the Queen B's usual territory.

"We're closed." Vanessa replied in a stern tone, her eyes darting around the place indicating that it was empty.

"Just one coffee and I'll pay you triple." She added condescendingly. Vanessa rolled her eyes, but as Blair knew all too well, everyone has their price so she seen her turn around so all she could see was the back of V's ugly-ass poncho. Blair's cunning smile dared Vanessa to close up.

"What do you want Blair?" She asked in a bored tone. Vanessa was not in the mood, Dan, as usual had spent the day reminiscing over his and Serena's "epic, whirlwind, life changing" romance.

"No why'd you just assume I came looking for something?" Blair asked in her fakest tone of voice. "Okay, now that we're on the subject I could use a favor. We're friends, right?"

Vanessa raised her eyebrow. "No, Blair. We're not, in case you haven't noticed." She said in a matter of fact tone.

"Talk to Nate and find out how he really feels about me and in return I shall give you anything that your little weirdo heart desires…" She trailed off. She came here to get answers.

"What happened to the age old art of, you know, doing your own work and finding out for yourself?" She replied sarcastically. It was Blair's turn to roll her eyes.

"I said anything, and I mean anything, regardless of loyalties or lies" Blair said, putting emphasis on the anything in her bitter tone of voice. And she could tell be the glazed look in Abram's eyes that she really, really wanted something. Blair sipped her coffee; it was cheap like all things in this part of town. Hopefully Vanessa was the same.

"I want Dan." She confessed frankly, removing her little green apron. Blair sure as hell did not see what the female species saw in dear old Cabbage patch. Poetic, dark, twisted and self righteous were not traits of choice.

"Well I want Nate." Blair confided, since they were having something of a sharing secrets session. She wasn't on great terms with Serena, Chuck wouldn't be delighted by this little revelation and Vanessa was right here, right now with her non designer clothes.

"So why aren't you taking action here then? You do most of the time. "She observed. "You two have a history, am I right?"

"Please, shut up about history. Everybody's going on about how we have all this history. The future is what matters. And why didn't you just steal Humphrey away from Serena?" Blair enquired.

"Because her best friend threatened me with a pair of scissors." Vanessa snapped at Blair, reminding her of Christmas.

Blair emitted a hollow laugh at her display of loyalty to her then-time best friend. To think she had just allowed her to stroll back into her life again…barely making her work for it.

"So you want me to use my influence to ruin Dan and Serena once and for all. Let me ask you a question, did he tell you that they broke up?" Blair demanded. Stupid non-Upper East Siders and their severe lack of sources.

"That doesn't mean she's going anywhere. And it doesn't mean Dan won't want her back." She told Blair desperately.

"Well, actually, she and Nate fucked once during the summer. Tell Humphrey that little tale." She said, grinning evilly.

"Seriously? Nate didn't tell me…" she trailed off.

"Yeah well nobody likes to admit they've made the same mistake twice…" Blair mused and her current boyfriend came to mind. Chuck. Except she just kept making mistake over and over and over again, time after time. With that thought, Blair sat her cup down and straightened the skirt of her Constance Billard uniform. She was no longer best friends with Serena in her mind, although she hadn't exactly clarified Serena. Serena was the type of girl who usually got what she wanted without having to really earn it; she was one of life's coasters. Whilst Blair wasn't like that. She didn't just enter and a room and everything stood up waiting to be commanded. She worked for what she had; her grades, her reputation and Nate. Well, she used to work for Nate. She used to work for Serena and Chuck. Blair was sick of working. She wanted things to swing her way for once.

"Look. Talk to Nate and I'll talk to Serena. You get Humphrey; I know where I stand with Nate. You don't have anything to lose here, or something to gain Vanessa. So shut up and do it." Blair instructed her, strutting outside in a commanding manner.

And how could Vanessa say no to a presence like that?

--

"Is this officially silent treatment you're giving me?" Chuck asked Nate as they made their way home together. Okay, they weren't together; Chuck was basically following Nate like a puppy. "I thought that you would have calmed down by today. Maybe even an apology would have passed your lips."

"That's just wishful thinking on your part." Nate corrected, turning around to face him. He sighed heavily and gazed past Chuck.

"Nate, tell me what I did wrong and I'll right it." He offered simply. But the situation was far from simple. Nate couldn't ask Chuck to just break up with Blair.

"Its…I'm sorry…I just…it's been rough lately, you know?" Nate replied vaguely. But Chuck seemed to understand. He usually did.

"Talk to me then. Let me know what's going on. Do you want my car to drop you off at your place?" Chuck asked with a smile. Nate nodded his head and smiled. Notice that he didn't have the courage to tell Chuck was wrong, but he had the courage to do something a lot more daring later.

--

She didn't really plan to turn up here, unannounced. She didn't inform him of her appearance. She didn't know what she was going to say and she certainly did not have a speech prepared. But when did Serena van der Woodsen ever plan something?

"Serena?" Dan alerted her. She was in his room, staring at his computer screen. "What do you want?" He urged her, as if he really needed to hear something specific from her.

Serena couldn't summon the ability to form sentences, so she just blurted out the key words, "Dan, I miss you, I love you. I want to be with you."

It was a terrible day outside, the summer was certainly over. The rain pounded his window. The silence was extremely awkward. The tension could be felt. Dan was pretty sure a tumbleweed rolled by.

He got out of his chair looked around and a grin spread across his face.

"Well then, let's just be together then." He murmured and kissed her, a passionate kiss. To her, it wasn't just a kiss, Dan was the one. She could feel it. _She just knew._

--

Knock.

Blair was sprawled across her bed. She had done her homework to perfection and she was tired after a long day at school. She didn't understand how things could be completely different within a year. Blair was the type of girl who liked consistency. Her dreams had always been the same all her life, after all. Now, the script was trashed and replaced with a new one with Chuck Bass as the leading man. And Serena's position as the best friend was definitely questionable.

Her cell vibrated and rung, it was Serena, no doubt. _Shit. _She thought to herself. She had meant to talk to Serena after she saw Vanessa today and persuade S to stop loving someone, but instead she went straight home and dealt with homework.

And as Blair knew, you can't convince someone to fall out of love, even if you do have the persuading powers of Blair Waldorf.

Knock again.

"You have a visitor Blair! Open your door! God, where are her manners…" Eleanor Waldorf shouted angrily. Hard day then, Blair thought sarcastically to herself. She wished her mom bottled up her feelings instead of constantly taking them out on her. Blair had a pretty hard fucking day but she wasn't shouting about it.

But when she opened the door, she certainly felt like shouting something.

Something like, "What in the hell took you so long!" or "It's about time Archibald!" or "Go away!"

She was confused at Nate smiling at her. After it is possible to be disarmed with a simple smile.

Especially when it's _his._

"Hey." Nate greeted her huskily. He brought her one single red rose. She tried to roll her eyes at the sight, but she just couldn't. He was just so cheesy and perfect and everything she wanted in a guy. And he was right in front of her.

Blair sometimes wondered what it would have been like if she'd always been with Chuck but cheated with Nate. Would it have been as exhilarating and annoying? As sexy and sneaky? She didn't have an answer because she and Nate were never like that. After all, isn't love never selfish or jealous? Isn't it supposed to be patient and kind?

"Hi." Blair barely murmured her greeting. She didn't know how to handle this. Didn't he know she was fragile on stressful Mondays, especially when Serena was being Serena and Chuck was being Chuck? He put the rose forward. Blair received it and set it down carefully on her dressing table. She turned around at him and he was still at her door.

"So I'm sorry for whatever that was about…you know you outside in the rain. I didn't really know what to do." Nate said, forever stating the obvious. Of course he didn't know what to do. He never usually did. It was a something Blair had been endeared by though, when she knew him. Now it felt like she barely knew him. Something had changed between them, besides Chuck.

"Why are you here, Nate? When was the last time we even talked about something real?" She asked him, she could feel her eyes glazing over.

"I just, Blair I miss you," he began, taking a gulp. Which was clearly a sign of nervousness, because when does Nate ever gulp? "I miss us."

"Aha." Blair let out a hollow laugh. He didn't miss _us or me _weeks ago, but he does now. How typical. Nate walked over to her, so now she was press against her dressing table. "What are you doing?" She whispered.

"This." Nate said and he surged forward so now his lips were on hers.

It was a strange kiss. Happy and kind of sad. It made Blair wonder about everything they could have had. It also made her wonder why he still hadn't told her about Serena. Why was he doing this, now? When he knows it's the worst possible time.

She pushed him away but their foreheads still lingered on each others for a while. It felt like they were there for an hour when in actual fact it had lasted about a minute.

"I'm a guy who loves you, Blair."

"We friends." She said weakly. Although even to her it didn't sound right.

Nate stepped back and smiled knowingly.

"Blair…we were _never _just friends."

"You can't do this. You know I'm with Chuck and-

"Do you love him?" Nate demanded.

Blair couldn't answer it. It was like she had told Serena, _"No, but I could fall in love with him." _

"I'm a guy who loves you. A guy who is going to fight for you. A guy who realizes that Chuck was never, or ever will be as important as you are to me." He said calm, with composure, completely sure of himself.

"I love him." Blair said weakly, half meaning it.

--

**I really wanted to update sooner but you know how stuff gets in the way of writing (: and I hope you enjoyed and feedback is always appreciated!**


	5. Nate & Blairs' look

"I just can't believe you even considered even getting back together with Dan "I'm a man whore" Humphrey." Blair snarled at Serena as they walked to Constance together. Serena gave an eye roll, unlike Blair, Serena didn't function in the mornings, and she was half asleep. Something had to wake her up. "I mean didn't you read Gossip Girl all summer?" Blair sighed. Her attempt to get her attention was failing and there wasn't much she could do to help Vanessa now that Serena was probably day-dreaming about having sex with Dan. Which was all she ever dreamed about these days. Serena shook her head. _So she didn't read about the Serena/Nate summer watch either, Blair_ thought bitterly to herself. Did Serena ever function properly? Like when she wasn't having sex?

"Dan and I are back on track. Let's just leave it at that okay?" Serena dismissed her. Blair didn't reply and they had reached the courtyard just outside school. Blair contemplated telling Serena about what happened in her room roughly two weeks ago but she didn't. What would Serena be able to do or say to make further sense of it? Blair was still Chuck's girlfriend and it looked like things were going to stay that way.

"Hi Nate!" Serena beamed over at him, enveloping a hug that was just a little too tight.

She functions now.

Back in the day, Blair would _always _greet Nate first before Serena did. Okay, there was the small fact that she was dating him the majority of the time but it was a Blair and Nate thing. Blair would hug Nate first then Serena would. In a way, it was just a little thing but it's the big things that make up the big things, right? She saw it as something that set the tone of the three's relationship; Blair had him first. Maybe not the sex, but she had his heart. Actually she didn't know that anymore, all she knew is that Nate had her heart first. When Blair first saw Nate she was sure. It took a while for Serena to adjust to him. Blair took to him like she'd known him forever. Like she'd always know him.

Now Serena was greeting him first and she didn't like it. It was like she had some unofficial hold over him. Like if B and S stopped being best friends, Serena would win Nate in the divorce. And we wouldn't want that now.

Nate smiled and hugged Serena back and he just cast a half smile at Blair, which was returned by another half smile. Nate felt his cheeks heat up, he or Blair didn't tell Chuck about the kiss. It was just one of things that weren't going to happen. But we all know secrets come out. Just wait for it.

"Blair." Was all he could mange.

"Hey Nate." Was all she could reply with. It's not like he gave her a lot to work with. He never did.

It was Blair and Nate standing opposite each other, Blair clutching a file full of school work and Nate there with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Serena's eyes darted back and forth between the pair as the other pupils gossiped.

"I heard Blair's mad at Serena because she and Nate Archibald hooked-up during the summer but she's only staying friends with her because Serena has some major crap on Blair."

"Are you sure? She and that slim ball Bass look pretty much in love."

"Yeah well do you remember when Blair and Nate were together? I mean everyone thought they were destined and look what happened there."

Something had to interrupt this wretched silence between the three.

Enter one Dan Humphrey and one Chuck Bass.

"Serena." Dan greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.

"Hi Dan." Serena greeted him flatly and gave Blair the "what is up with you and Nate?" look. It was a look Blair and Nate knew all too well. The problem was, so did Chuck. He slithered beside Blair and wrapped his arm around her waist as Nate looked in the opposite direction to find Vanessa right behind him.

"Just the guy I've been looking for." She smiled at him. Her hair was in a ponytail and she was all alone, well it was Vanessa. She didn't have many friends and the ones she did have didn't attend elite academic institutions. With the exception of Humphrey.

"Thank god you're here." Nate gasped. His cheeks were red, he actually blushed. "I kissed Blair." He whispered as he clutched Vanessa's arm to bring her away from outside the inner circle.

"Really? The why's Chuck still-?

"I don't know I just turned up and kissed her it was completely random, now she barely acknowledges my presence." He sneered.

"Well apparently Serena turned up randomly and kissed Dan and they're back together." Vanessa said in her best "How fricking convenient" tone.

And we don't like random kissing now, do we?

"So what do you want to do on this lovely Thursday after school?" Serena asked Dan sweetly in between kisses. She didn't know what it was, but being back with him was so…comfortable yet enthralling. Except she was finding it harder and harder to…connect with him. They didn't have similar interests. They didn't have huge long conversations into the night. That's what Vanessa was for. Dan and Serena had good sex, though and that was something, surely?

We all know you can't have a good relationship without good sex.

But you _can _have good sex without having a relationship.

That was exactly how Serena felt about herself and Dan and she did not like it. She wanted more.

"So much studying to get done, you know that." Dan mumbled. Like Blair, he was all work these days.

"Well I'll call you or something, 'Kay?" Serena offered as she put a hand on his chest and let it linger there for a while longer before she made her way into the prison that was school.

"Hm, you even manage to give me butterflies at this time in the morning." Chuck said as he kissed Blair shamelessly. Blair couldn't help but smile, after all not everyone conquers a Bass. She opened her eyes and they caught Nate for the quickest second when she focused on Chuck.

"You can't come over tonight, I'm going to have so much work and I have French club after school." Blair whispered in a half stern half amused tone.

"Okay. I'll talk to you later then." Chuck smiled and walked over to Nate and they made their way into St.Jude's.

But as they walked in, Nate stopped as Chuck proceeded inside.

And he looked at Blair.

It was the look.

And she was giving it back with a smile on her face.

Serena didn't miss the look. She was certainly awake now.

--

"I saw the look." Serena mentioned to Blair as they sat on Blair's bed doing copious amounts of homework. Blair was in the middle of Math and she just broke her concentration. She really had an impeccable bout of timing, Serena.

"What look?" Blair dropped her pencil on the textbook.

"The look you two would give each other just before you both went to school." She replied knowingly. Blair didn't have a comeback.

"I have to tell you something," Blair began in a confidential tone, "and you won't like me for it. But just remember you had sex with Nate during the summer, okay?"

Serena gave Blair an un-amused facial expression.

"Two weeks ago Nate kissed me." She blurted out.

"I knew it!" Serena said in triumph. "Something is up between you two…it always is."

"But that's not all…he told me he loved me." Blair said sadly. Now it was Serena's turn to drop the pencil in shock.

"Oh god." Serena murmured. More like_ "Oh my fucking God!"_

There are moments in your life when thing just change or shift. Nate turning up to kiss Blair randomly was a normal thing now it was life changing to Blair.

Blair scraped her hair back.

"And you still love him." She added.

Sometimes, it's amazing how well someone can know you. Then other times it's just plain annoying.

"Why are you still with Chuck?" Serena asked bluntly. When it came to blows, Serena would always take Blair's side over Chucks but Chuck didn't deserve this, did he?

"You have no business asking me that." Blair snapped.

"Blair I'm your-

"Best friend. Yeah, I know. You're my best friend who enjoys sleeping with the guy that I-

Love. But Blair was smart. She didn't say that. Because if she did, that would imply that she did. Which she didn't.

"Love." Serena said. Okay, her knowing Blair that well was really aggravating. Not that anyone needed telling anyway.

Blair had a look of complete anger and revolt on her face.

"I don't love him. Nate and I are over. We have been for a while. Remember having sex with him?" She responded.

"Are you always going to throw that in my face?" Serena said exasperated.

Yes. Blair thought. She was always going to throw it back in her face. Because if Blair had to deal with it everyday, then why should Serena forget?

"You know what? I gonna go. Call me when you calm down." Serena said calmly as she exited Blair's bedroom. Blair couldn't remember feeling so dismantled. She had gotten over Nate, why didn't everyone else get over her and Nate together? Sure they had the look or whatever the hell Serena was ranting on about, but it's just a look.

--

"I know." Serena said simply to Nate when he invited her in.

"Know what exactly?" He asked innocently.

"The kiss. The look. The Blair." Serena deadpanned.

Nate's eyes widened and he put a finger to her lips to stop her doing anymore damage.

Because someone else was in the room.

Why is it that best friends always had to hog your house, day in and day out?

--

**Hope you enjoyed! And as always your feedback is very much appreciated (: **


	6. Beautiful disasters

**A/N: **Its about time, I know (:

"You're awfully quiet tonight." Blair commented suspiciously as she and Chuck lay together in each others arms. They were relaxed and calm. That night, after Serena stormed in her fit of randomness, Chuck had came over about an hour later to swoop Blair to bed and she obliged. After all, it only confirmed the inevitable. Chuck was in love with Blair and Blair was in love with Chuck and nothing was going to destroy this power couple. Even when Blair told him not to come over tonight.

"I just didn't think you'd approve of my stopping by. You sounded like you were busy." Chuck replied with a tone of disregard.

She was busy. Just not busy at French club or with homework.

"Serena and I had a kind…of argument. I don't know, it was weird." Blair mumbled with a raised eyebrow. She started stroking Chuck's chest and hoped he would switch the topic of conversation, but no such luck.

"Yeah... I'm aware of that." He told her, choking up slightly.

"Why? Wait, what did you tell her?" Blair demanded sternly, rising up from her and Chuck's love nest to glare at him. Serena better not have outdone herself this time. Not today.

"She came over to Nate's and I heard something…intriguing," he began, getting up and beginning to get dressed. "She came in and all I heard was kiss, look and Blair. Just…why would she say things like that to Nate?"

Blair's eyes widened. This charade was over. He knew. Chuck Bass didn't have an A average, he wasn't exactly Yale material but he knew the dynamics of the two people he knew best; Nate and Blair. She jerked out of her bed and flung her arms around him.

"Listen, you have to believe me when I say that nothing's going on between Nate and I and I have no idea what Serena's talking about." Blair said, keeping her composure.

Chuck looked into her cobalt blue eyes. Of course she was telling the truth. He knew that Nate and Blair were long gone, only destined to be first loves. Nothing more.

"_You never have belonged with Nate. Never have, never will." _

She didn't protest when he said those words months ago. Maybe because she agreed. Or maybe because such anger rose inside, she lost the ability to form a coherent sentence.

"Who said anything about you and Nate?" Chuck smirked and whipped on his jacket.

"I did. You asked." Blair's gaze averted elsewhere as she fixed his bow tie. He smiled down at her, clearly besotted. He still couldn't believe that he had her. They had their troubles and now Blair and Chuck were enjoying the happily ever after part of the story.

At least that's what he believed.

Chuck kissed Blair's forehead. But she backed away a little bit too quickly for his liking.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" She said hastily, jumping back onto her bed and pulling the duvet over herself so it looked like she was ready for a good nights sleep.

"Okay." Chuck replied, still grinning like a complete fool. It was official, Chuck Bass was whipped.

* * *

As soon as Chuck closed the door carefully, Blair leaped out and rushed into her walk in closet, pulled on the first thing she found which happened to be an electric blue slip dress and slipped on a pair of heels. For the first time, she didn't care that her hair hadn't been brushed. Now only Nate could have that effect on her.

"Stupid Serena." Blair muttered as her heels clicked on the elevator floor. She rushed out into a limo and ordered the driver to Nate's residence, just to figure everything out. It was going to be a brisk, to-the-point visit. He better not have said a thing.

* * *

"You nearly had me caught there Serena." Nate remarked, half strict, half amused. He wondered for a minute if it could be a good thing. If Chuck knew then at least his feelings wouldn't be shoved right back to the bottom of his heart. At least they would know. But Chuck didn't know. He'd just have to keep his feelings and bury them a little more with every day.

"I can't believe this Nate. I mean you and Blair…" she trailed off with a wistful half smile.

"Me and Blair what?" Nate asked. He always liked to hear Serena's opinion on him and Blair. She always seemed to be rooting for them, even if she did fall into his bed every once and a while. But that was done. Serena knew that Nate was just a mistake. She loved the boy dearly, but they'd never be _that_ couple.

"You two used to be solid. It's just weird. I mean, I expect things to change but Blair and you were like a permanent fixture. And then you two broke up it was like everything else started to change too." Serena explained, running a hand through her hair. The ripple effect of Nate and Blair was clearly evident. "You know if Chuck finds out his heart will break. He's so in love." She added, reminding Nate that he and Blair weren't a fairytale anymore. The fairytale was over and the Prince would have to settle for someone who just wasn't the princess. And the princess would eventually marry the jester. And Serena would end up with lonely boy. But Nate always had the sneaking suspicion that lonely boy loved Vanessa. But we'll just have to wait and see how that little affair turns out.

"Well I must leave you to brood. I wish I could help you." Serena whispered as she enveloped him in hug. Nate patted her awkwardly; he was too distracted to focus on anything right now but Blair.

"Nathaniel Archibald-

Blair stormed inside the Archibald townhouse living room to find Nate hugging Serena. She wanted to accuse them of sleeping together because it's not as if they hadn't before, but then she remembered Serena's legs turned to jelly at the sight of Humphrey.

"I was just leaving." Serena stated as she stridden out of the room, her blond hair flying behind her. Even on a Monday evening, when Blair was tired of school and sex, Serena still looked like that.

"I hope you haven't fucked up again." Blair snarled whilst smiling sweetly at her. She couldn't be anymore angry. Serena shook the comment off like only people like her do and showed herself out.

"Did he say anything?" Blair questioned Nate, looking into his emerald eyes. They still pierced her. You'd think that the effect they had on her would have worn off by the time fifteen years passed, but oh no.

"Chuck doesn't know if that's what you came over for." Nate shot back, making his way to the spirits. Usually, that was Chuck's thing but Nate had the feeling that he'd need to sleep a bit more easily tonight. He ruffled his brown hair, which was still highlighted blond from the summer sun. They hadn't talked properly this summer and she felt it. Something was missing. He was missing.

"You know, sometimes I think what a waste it is to have so much history with someone and then things turn out like this." She commented.

"Yeah well you only have one person to blame for that." He replied, raising one eyebrow. Blair gave him the stare of death. He was right, for once and he knew it.

"You had sex with Serena, twice." She reminded him. Nate set down his drink. He hadn't told her.

"I'm sorry. You weren't there I-

"I wasn't there so you slept with Serena?" Blair proclaimed, the hurt lining her tone. "You know its something you're making a habit of."

"It was a disaster anyway. Surely she told you that." Nate muttered.

"You and Serena are a disaster. We were a disaster. We were just one huge disaster." Blair gabbled. It was the truth. She only had ever fully loved two people; S and N. And those two people happened to be the ones that had hurt her the most.

"I think you should leave. You got what you came for." Nate responded, making his way down the hall to his bedroom and pulling off his shirt in the progress.

It couldn't be wrong to just kiss one more time, would it? An official goodbye kiss, sealing their end once and for all? After all, it would be a better way of ending it rather than their method of separation last time. Blair followed him down. She wasn't going to be left there randomly in his house. He could at least see her off if nothing else. She stomped down the hallway and waited outside until he was decent.

Blair mused for a minute. It was taking him quite a while in there. She wondered if his room had changed since they ended. If he'd tidied up his room after they broke up. Because when they did, Blair did some major spring cleaning which included disposing of pictures of herself and Nate. She even brought herself to take off the ruby ring once, but it felt like one of her fingers was missing.

"I don't care if you're not dressed; I've seen it all before." Blair declared as she opened his door, which was greeted with a hollow laugh from Nate.

His room hadn't changed a bit. Still painted sky blue. Still immaculate with the exception of a few DVDs and video games scattered around. Still smelling all like smoke and all…Nate-like.

"Why are you here Blair? You asked about Chuck I gave you an answer and you're _still here_." He gasped.

"I miss you. There, I said it." She said, smiling endearingly. Nate's lips curled into a smile. He missed her too.

Blair approached him, her heart beating out of her chest. All of a sudden she was fifteen again and she and Nate were about to have their first kiss. They had kissed before, but it was just pecks on the cheek. Nothing too much, because well to Nate, girls still had disgusting germs that could ruin your life. But he'd forgotten that when Blair kissed him. They fitted together perfectly. They just worked, even when it didn't.

"Don't." Nate put a finger on her lip. "I'm not going to be your mistake Blair. Goodnight." Blair froze as he flicked off the light and crawled into bed. She wondered if she had jumped into bed with him, right there and then if he'd been so quick to send her off then. But I guess we'll never know.


	7. Nobodies fool

Blair should have known better. A lot better. She should have known that secrets never stayed secret for long, especially when Serena was the one keeping them "safe." She should've known that in the Upper East Side, there were no secrets. Everyone knew everything yet they still kept up the false pretences because it's what makes the Upper East Side the Upper East Side. For what seemed the longest time, she let herself believe that her and Nate were going somewhere. And not just anywhere, oh no, big things. Like going to Yale together. Like getting married. Like buying a house and getting their cats and dogs (they wouldn't have children for a while because Blair would focus on her career) and just being their fabulous selves.

But she was young. She was a fool. She was blinded by his gleaming blond hair and emerald eyes. He was high and she was intoxicated. The worst part of it all was, trying to repeat it again with Chuck. Trying to picture those two going to Yale and buying a house just didn't work. And if it did, well then it was certainly not going to be smooth. Moving on from Nate? Not easy. Especially when he sauntered up to her on this particular Friday morning, being the golden boy she knew so well. Nothing ever just stayed in the past in the Upper East Side.

Blair was sipping her coffee from some random coffee cart and a frown was plastered across her face. She was tired; actually, dead on her feet was what she was. Between homework, Nate and Chuck she just surprised herself by walking this morning.

On that note, her two favourite guys were approaching her right now. Nate was scanning a sheet attentively whist Chuck was beaming happily at Blair. Blair forced a weak smile as Chuck kissed her roughly as a greeting.

"You won't believe the week I've been having," Chuck began exasperated, "Parents, biological and blond women who have just married my father won't get off my case about College." Blair couldn't help but roll her eyes. Chuck had been working hard at school for the past week; Blair had been doing it for most of her life.

She glanced at Nate and he took no notice. Actually, that was wrong. Nate always looked like he didn't notice. He knew that girls just looked at him and he knew he was hot; it was kind of hard not too. He just didn't act cocky about it. She could not believe he rejected her. It made no sense whatsoever. He turns up at her house, declaring his undying love. Then she finally makes a move and he rejects her. It's typical of him, really.

The threesome remained silent until they reached the courtyard and Serena tugged on Dan's hand as she approached her friends. She took Blair away from the boys and left Dan with Vanessa.

"Is this an official feud now?" She sighed. She had an endearing smile on her face and Blair just felt like forgiving her. It was Serena, for Gods sake. It was December, too. The silence had been lasting quite a while now and we all know there's nothing to keep you warm more than getting back your best friend.

"I'm officially tired and too lazy to call you." Blair replied sincerely. "And besides you probably spent most of your days at Dans." She added knowingly.

"Yeah and two guesses as to who else has." Serena responded loathly. It was stalker film girl, no doubt. Also known as Vanessa Abrams.

"Well I mean, Humphrey and her are Bffs right? It's to be expected, S." Blair commented. To tell the truth, she'd kind of been secretly supporting the idea of Dan and Vanessa as a couple. That way S would be back to the old S Blair knew and loved and Humphrey would be out of their lives once and for all. Blair was actually smiling on the inside. In a way, it was payback for Serena intruding on her and Nate over the years. But of course, she wasn't going to _say _that.

"Blair, seriously. She's been intruding. She walked in on Dan and I when-

"Shut up, S. You know I'm fragile in the mornings." Blair snapped back.

"Fine. How did your little visit to Nate go?" Serena shifted the topic. Blair wasn't going to help her with her Dan drama. She still had plenty of her own to contend with.

"I said some things. He said some things. Then I left." Blair stated blankly. She skipped the part where she tried to kiss him and he humiliated her yet again by saying no. Who did Nate think he was, anyway? _He needs me_. Blair thought bitterly.

"That's all?" The blond girl asked suspiciously. Of course, that wasn't all but Serena didn't have to know.

"Yeah, that's all." Blair replied hastily as she stomped into school on that blustery Friday morning.

--

Vanessa was in the Humphrey's apartment with Dan. They were in the kitchen and just goofing around like they usually did. She wasn't filming; she hadn't been doing a lot of it recently. She had other things on her mind. Other things like Dan.

"How are you and Serena doing?" She asked innocently, in her best I'm-your-best-friend-just-taking-an-interest tone.

"We're okay, I guess." He began. "We don't have all that stupid drama going on anymore. Like we can just be with each other this time." He said thoughtfully. Vanessa's heart sank. It just wasn't going to happen, was it? He was completely besotted with Serena.

"Its just I'm kinda thinking…I mean did you two ever talk about all the reasons you broke up?" She inquired. Dan looked at her sharply. Partly because Vanessa had been scrutinizing his relationship very closely recently and partly because he knew she was right. He and Serena didn't talk. They had sex. They made out and they occasionally held hands once in a while. He did love her but it felt strange. Less like a couple, more like friends with benefits. And when they finished having sex, when the make out sessions were over and they let each others hand go when they left for home or school that was it.

Dan considered rebuking Vanessa but where would it get him? She was right, after all.

"No. No not really." He admitted, looking down at his grey converse. "It's just…if we bring it up again then it'll all be ruined and I don't want it to be ruined." He added solemnly.

Of course. He didn't want the fairytale romance to go away. In his mind, he and Serena were two star crossed lovers, constantly being torn apart by the evils of the Upper East Side. But they struggled through it, together.

"Can you help a guy out? You know everything." Dan smiled at Vanessa. She knew him so well, how could she not tell him the answers?

"Ask her to the winter formal thing." Vanessa blurted out. Why did he make a big deal of everything? Serena was his (kind of) girlfriend and that's what they do, right? "Come on, Humphrey you're losing your game here." She added jokingly.

"I never had any 'game.'" He replied with a smirk. He was right. Despite the summer girls who found his self righteous ass quite adorable, he was hopeless. Humphrey had as much game as your grandma. Especially considering the beautiful girl who practically lived in his apartment was throwing herself at him at every available opportunity and he still seemed intent on letting her slip away.

"I'm going to call Nate." Vanessa informed Dan, as if he actually cared. She wasn't going to wait forever. She was going to stop being a fool. From now on, she was nobodies fool.

"I'm going to call Serena." He responded.

"Good." Vanessa replied coolly.

"Um, good." Dan was clearly freaked out.

--

"I haven't talk to Blair in months," Nate repeated to Vanessa as they walked their way to the restaurant where they were going to have a "date." From the outside, Nate and Vanessa were dating. They just didn't kiss or have sex. Nate kissed her once on Halloween when he was drunk off his blond ass, but Vanessa responded with a giggle. And it wasn't the 'oh-you're-so-hot-I-can't-believe-you're-actually-kissing-me' giggle, it was more like the 'really-what-the-hell-are-you-doing-drunk-boy?' giggle. When they reached their destination, Nate held the door open for Vanessa when they got their table; he pulled her chair out for her to sit down. He was an exceptional gentleman, and Vanessa was really beginning to think she should have kissed him back on Halloween.

"Well, I have a shocker, Dan and Serena still very much in love." She deadpanned.

"Dan isn't worth it." Nate smiled. "If he can't even see what's right in front of him, just let him go on with Serena. Who cares?"

Vanessa cared, very much. Maybe it was time she stopped, though.

"Do you remember Halloween?" She asked with a chuckle?

Nate couldn't answer, because a hand had been placed on his shoulder.

"Nathaniel." Chuck greeted him smoothly. Blair stood behind Chuck and Nate and death stared Vanessa. "You and Vanessa want to join Blair and me?" He asked.

Chuck was never that guy. You know the guy who actually enjoys spending time with his girlfriend? His policy was to get them into bed and get them out again. But now Blair has inspired to him to enjoy the world do f dating. And apparently double dating was something he wanted to sample. Like now.

Blair knew, whatever this mess was, it was going to end badly. Either with her storming away from them with no apparent reason or her trying to kiss Nate again. It was all going to go up in flames like a gallon of alcohol poured on top of a fireplace with newspapers scattered all around it.

Nate remained silent. Something told him that this was going to end badly.

But he and Vanessa agreed anyway, because who were they to oppose Chuck Bass?

--

Dan barely had time to register the girl that was kissing him as he opened his apartment door. It could have been freaking Vanessa for all that he knew.

"Ser…" He breathed out as he stepped back. He should've just kissed back, really. Screw Vanessa's advice. Dan and Serena was a couple of action, that's all. All action. So much action, they just didn't have the time for words. Serena stepped up to him again and just started kissing him.

"Bed. Now." She murmured.

Wow, S stands for slow and subtle then.

"We need to talk." Dan sputtered.

"What's there to talk about?" Serena backed away. She didn't want to talk. She didn't get back with Dan to talk. The mischievous smirk on her face reverted to a frown. Talk was cheap. She and Dan were at their most efficient when it came to the stuff that mattered.

"Well we never talked properly since we broke up." Dan told her and Serena felt all their previous struggled be hashed up again as he spoke.

After a silence that felt like it lasted half an hour, Serena sat down on the couch and a smile spread across her face again.

"We could talk in the bedroom." She offered in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Dan sighed and faced her.

"Yeah, we could." And he smiled back.

--

At this stage in the game, Blair felt like stabbing her gorgeous, silver, Christian Laboutin heels into Nate's foot. Then Vanessa's. Then Chuck's for making her spend her Friday here. With them. Even an evening spent with Serena was better than this. Nate and Chuck were talking their usual talk; being best buddies and making Blair feel sick to the pit of her stomach. It wasn't like she could talk to Vanessa. Or maybe she could.

"I'm off to the ladies." She tossed down her napkin and left her steak alone.

"I'll come with you." Vanessa said, gladly making her escape.

Nate was no A-average student but he knew that girls talked about two things when they went to the bathroom. Sex and lipgloss. And he pretty sure the topic what would sprout up in Blair and Vanessa's conversation.

Chuck was smiling to himself and it wasn't his signature, scheming smile. He was actually happy.

"You and Blair are like a power couple." Nate remarked fondly, "You two are going to take over the world or something." Chuck laughed and sipped his scotch. Well, one thing was for sure, Chuck and Blair took over Nate's world.

--

"So you and Nate are together now then." Blair mused as she applied a fresh coat of lipgloss.

"I thought you would have already known, what with Gossip Girl." Vanessa answered, washing her hands.

"I seen a few pictures but you weren't caught kissing so I just assumed that you two were friends." Blair replied, turning around.

"Oh. Well we are. Just friends." Vanessa mumbled. If this had nothing to do with Nate, Blair would have been turning up her nose at Vanessa's quirky bright green boots. But since this had a lot to do with Nate, she was already preoccupied and she knew where Vanessa could stick her boots later.

"Can I ask you something?" Blair began quickly, because it wasn't really a question, it was a demand, "when are you and Humphrey going to crawl back into the hole where you both crawled from? What do they call it, Brooklyn?"

Vanessa rolled her eyes. She knew the insult was coming, but she wasn't going to take heed.

"You are so not over him." She proclaimed, almost smiling in victory. "I mean, I was kind of sitting on the same table as you two. You didn't so much as take your eyes off him." Vanessa placed her hands under the dryer and Blair was left open mouthed for two seconds.

"Oh right. I forgot that you and Humphrey know everything." She scoffed, whirling around to make her way out.

"Are you ever going to tell him?" Vanessa asked hastily before Blair could escape.

"Which one?" Blair asked Vanessa. Her tone was desperate. She just looked at herself in the mirror. She still didn't know what she was doing. She still didn't know what to do, take a risk with Nate and face loosing everyone and have Chuck completely destroy her or stay with Chuck because it was the right, safe thing to do.

"You know, maybe if we'd stuck to our little arrangement back in September, we could be facing a Christmas with the guys we actually do like." Vanessa argued back.

Blair paused, something about the way Vanessa said _like._

"Not _like_ docu-girl. I love Nate. Always have, always will. And I'm pretty sure you feel the same about Cabbage patch. I mean really who are we kidding? I can't sleep at night because I _like_ Nate. I can barely sit beside him and Chuck at a table because I _like_ Nate. If I'm going to feel sick every two minutes, it better not be over the fact that I _like _someone." Blair gabbled. The girls remained silent for a while.

"If we're going to break Dan and Serena up…" Blair muttered, "It's going to take both of us. Me to convince Serena and you to convince Humphrey."

"It's too late for that. He's in love, too." Vanessa whispered as she exited the bathroom.

--

When the ordeal was over, Vanessa called a cab straight home but Nate, Blair and Chuck went out for drinks. Chuck was tipsy, not completely drunk and Nate was smoking, a habit that he'd resumed again after quitting at age sixteen. They were waiting for their car to arrive so they could crash at Chuck's suite.

"Could you ease up on the lung caner, Nathaniel?" Chuck commented, swiping at the air.

Nate threw the cigarette away and glanced at Blair. She was staring into the distance and she looked like she needed out of here fast.

"You've been avoiding me." Blair whispered to him so Chuck wouldn't hear.

"I've not been avoiding you. I just haven't been kissing you." Nate replied, forever stating the obvious.

"Why?" Blair asked as their limo approached the threesome.

"Why haven't I been kissing you? My best friend just so happens to be in love with you." Nate whispered back, opening the door for both Blair and Chuck as they got in.

Nate was seated on the far right whilst Chuck was at the other end. Blair was in the middle. How fitting.

As Chuck fumbled through his pockets to find the key to his suite, Blair pulled Nate back in the corridor. He gave her a scary, angry look. His eyes were wide and his hair got into a mess somehow.

"What if I told you I wasn't in love with your best friend?"

--

**Hope you liked this chapter (:****! I appreciate feedback.**


	8. Broken hearts can be mended

**A/N: **It took me so long to update, I know! But hopefully it was worth the wait (:

--

Nate's eyes expanded. Truth be told, he thought of saying the exact same thing to Blair, but he'd never exactly been Romeo; pouring his heart out was just not going to happen again. He'd done that once before and been rejected. And well, you know what boys are like after they've been rejected once. It's like they've been scared for life. Usually, in their fairytale-but-not-really romance, Blair had been the needy one. Chasing after him and capturing his heart, taking him back after she found out he'd slept with Serena. Always scripting the perfect thing to say to him so that he'd love her forever and buying him expensive gifts. It was strange seeing Nate being the one who wanted to make things happen this time. But as per usual, here Blair was proclaiming her love only to be surrounded by silence.

"Um…well…" Nate stammered. Blair could feel her cheeks flare up. Was this his payback? He had just told her he really wasn't over them a matter of weeks ago and now he was getting revenge now? Blair mentally scolded herself for giving him the opportunity. This wasn't her.

But then again, she hadn't felt like herself for a while.

"Don't say a thing." Blair whispered as she whipped around and stormed down several flights of stairs and exited the Palace hotel. She felt like crying, but she held the tears in. Then she'd call Serena and Serena would storm over to Blair's bedroom with movies and food and they'd cry together because goddamn it, Serena owed it to Blair.

--

"What the hell happened?" Serena demanded, sure enough it was three in the morning, Serena looked like an angel and she had ice cream. In a way, she was Blair's guardian angel tonight. Blair had done it before though as well, Serena was just too drunk to remember all the times Blair did save her ass.

Blair was laughing with tears streaming slowly down her face. Serena dried them away and sat on Blair's bed. Blair was never one for masking her emotions, whatever she felt she was going to let you know about it if you wanted to or not.

"What the fuck was I thinking?" She began, "I told him I'm in love with him. Love, Serena." She said, waving her hands about in strange ways.

"Who? Chuck?" Serena asked, but she already knew the answer to that little question.

Blair paused. She knew Chuck and Serena were actually quite close and that if they got any closer they'd practically be Sebastian and Kathryn from Cruel Intentions.

Blair's silence told Serena everything she already knew. "Okay then, its Nate freakin' Archibald then." She sighed, handing Blair another tissue but in a less sympathetic manner this time.

"Don't you dare judge me? After everything you've done-

"Blair. I slept with Nate. Its one thing to cheat and it's another thing to be the one who's in a relationship and cheating." Serena informed her, straddling her high horse.

Blair let a hollow laugh escape. "Nate and I haven't been doing anything. It's just, I love him and I told him."

"Emotional affairs are no worse than just plain physical ones B. This isn't you." Serena told her desperately.

Except Blair was beginning to think that this was her. She'd cheated on Nate as well and Serena was right, Blair couldn't judge since she'd made the same mistakes. Actually, Nate and Serena was a spur of the moment affair, but Blair and Chuck had a relationship. She was becoming someone she never wanted to be.

End it with Chuck?

Start a new mess with Nate?

What if it wasn't a mess this time?

But Chuck would make it a mess. He always found someway of ruining something if it didn't benefit him.

"Just follow your heart Blair. Who do you want? And please, stay with him this time." Serena murmured knowingly. "Do you want me to stay?"

"Do you want to stay?" Blair tried her.

"I'll stay if you want me too." She replied timidly. Blair was hard to gauge right now.

"I could use the night…morning...whatever to think." Blair told her as inoffensively as possible. Serena got up from the bed, removed her long slender arm from Blair's shoulder and smiled.

"I knew," Serena began "that there was still something between you two and you didn't tell me. I wish I'd known sooner. What if he tells Chuck or something?" She probed, clearly more concerned than she cared to show.

"So what if he did? It would be a whole lot easier than me having to tell Chuck." Blair opened the raspberry ice cream and feasted her self, the freezing spoon nowhere near as cold as her heart right now. Actually, her heart felt numb. Blair loved the idea of being the one who could choose, but in practice it was not exactly simple. Choose Nate, give him another chance? If it didn't work the last time, what made her think it was going to work now?

--

Nate tried to sneak into Chuck's suite unnoticed after Blair had kept him behind. Really, just really, how screwed up could things get now?

Maybe he was about to find out.

"What were you and my girlfriend talking about them, huh? Where is she?" Chuck drawled, yawning. It had been a long night, an even longer night for Nate.

"She said to tell you that she was going home." Nate replied, still clearly shocked at Blair's confession.

"Oh right. Drink Nathaniel?" He suggested, still up for one more scotch.

"Yeah." Nate responded. After all, the boy did need it.

"Did she ever have you like this?" Chuck gasped whilst swigging scotch from the crystal tumbler.

Nate dreaded what Chuck was going to add. "Like what?" He played along.

"At the risk of sounding like a complete ass, I think I really need her. I think I love her." Chuck smirked, almost in amazement of himself. It was kind of amazing, Chuck in love? A year ago, not possible, not feasible, not imaginable. But with Blair on his arm, Nate couldn't really blame him. Nate remained silent as Chuck gave him the drink and Nate gulped half of the scotch down, it seared his throat and his heart too.

"I have to admit that I was expecting a more…jubilant reply. In other news, what about you and Serena?" Chuck questioned. It was no real secret that he was a real supporter of N and S, Chuck had never thought Nate was really in love with any other girl.

"What about us? Trust me; Serena is not the one I want." Nate snapped back, sounding a little too furious. Taken aback, Chuck raised an eyebrow.

"So then…Vanessa? You never told me that Brooklyn-ers were the new Upper East Siders Nate" He snarled. Nate just shook his head as a reply this time, too tired to answer Chuck's questions.

"Can I ask you what I've done here, Nate?" Chuck said timidly. And timid was never really Chuck's style. "You haven't been the same since…" Nate looked up at Chuck, who was now standing. Nate was sitting on the expensive Italian leather couch, sipping away. He needed time. Time to think and clarify things.

"Nothing is wrong." Nate told Chuck coolly. "I just…I miss somebody."

There were a lot of people Nate could have missed this year. The Captain, even though he was infuriating, a son needs his father. Serena his golden girl.

Blair, who Nate started classifying as the love of his life. It had to be right? Sleepless nights, his eyes stinging every time he lay eyes upon her, his skin burning every time they came close to touching.

"Let take a huge guess…Serena." Chuck rolled his eyes. It was typical really.

"Why are you convinced that I love Serena?" Nate growled, standing up and setting his glass on the counter.

"Because you are." His friend said simply.

"I'm going to go. Goodnight, Chuck. I'll call you or whatever later." He dismissed him, thinking that an argument at three in the morning was a bit too much for him to handle.

--

Knock.

Blair pressed her head harder against the pillow. Dorota could wait.

Knock.

But it wasn't followed by the usual call of "Ms Blair!"

Someone knocked thrice.

Blair flipped her heavy duvet off herself and stormed over and opened the door, rubbing her eyes.

And sure enough, it revealed one Nate Archibald.

"Hey." Was his greeting. He smiled at how cute Blair was rubbing her eyes. He really, really missed her.

"It's four am, Nate, you reek of scotch. You should go home." She said as coldly as she could. But the boy wouldn't budge.

"Chuck told me he loves you." Nate remarked, even the jealously was evident in his tone. Blair whirled around. Chuck said a lot of things, but when it came to "I love you" he had to get a messenger to do that for him. Blair flicked on a lamp.

"I wish I could say the same for myself." She replied idly.

"You put me on the spot, Blair." He told her.

"Nate, there's no other way to get any emotion out of you otherwise." Blair said fondly, smiling and signaling for him to come in. Nate gave a sexy smirk back, knowing that she _really did_ know everything there was to know about him. He sat carefully beside her on her bed. No makeup, mascara tears, brown hair all over the place and she never looked better.

"Never...ever let me go drinking with you and Chuck again." Nate practically pleaded. Blair laughed sweetly. Sure, everything was so messed up these days but it had got to the point where it was getting ridiculous.

"Why can't we just be together?" She smiled sadly. _Maybe we could be, just for tonight. Get it out of our systems. Maybe then this will go away. _

Blair knew she should have ended it with Chuck first, she planned on doing so tomorrow as soon as humanly possible. But here Nate was, right now, looking at her, calm on the surface but Blair could see his eyes were screaming _I want you! _He looked as gorgeous as ever. Her prince charming.

A princess shouldn't have to give up her prince, should she? _Because that would be just wrong._

"I really love you Nate." She whispered, leaning in.

"I really, really love you too Blair." He smiled like a complete fool, the scotch getting to his head. Then he kissed her, hungrily.

A drunken mind speaks a sober heart.


	9. No regrets

Mistake, mistake, mistake.

Blair awoke to the familiar scent of him. It was a good feeling, a feeling of security and that feeling you get when you come home again.

She had a feeling she'd be doing this for the rest of her life, as unlikely as it seemed sometimes. But there were moments, moments in which she just _knew._

Blair didn't know how she'd explain this Chuck because she could hardly comprehend it herself. She and Nate had sex again last night, impulsive, hot, drunken sex that she'd been wanting for a long time, but nonetheless it would come with consequences. When it involved Nathaniel Archibald, it always did. She found it strange that everything between them was so…unscripted last night. Maybe she should've just trusted him more all along without taking charge of every single little thing. She should have just let him lead the way sometimes because he wasn't a total dimwit.

He awoke with a lazy smile and kissed her on the cheek. They just lay there, in each others arms for a while longer. They knew they'd have to talk about it soon, but talk was cheap and Nate wanted to just have a few more minutes of Blair. You never knew if they could be the last.

He glanced at photos he'd gazed at a hundred times before. There was one in particular he really liked; it was of himself and his two favourite girls at the tender age of seven. He remembered that image because Blair had held his hand for the first time. It was one of the things he did remember from the few innocent days they had.

"We cheated on Chuck." He reminded her in an uneasy tone.

"We cheated on Chuck." Blair confirmed with a frown.

"Are you going to tell him?" Nate asked.

"Do we intend on having drunk sex every Saturday night?" Blair inquired suggestively.

Nate flashed a cocky smile and Blair had officially fallen in love with him all over again.

"Oh, I think we do." He nodded.

It wasn't a mistake. He was Nate and she was Blair and they were just supposed to be.

--

Knock, knock, knock.

Chuck Bass clattered off the couch and onto the floor of his hotel suite. He rubbed his eyes and searched for aspirin, but none was to be found. The rapping on the door grew more impatient.

"Yeah okay I'm coming!" He shouted irritably.

Blair couldn't help but shudder at the shout. Usually the girl couldn't be deterred from anything, but she knew this was…different. She knew she'd feel relived after breaking up with Chuck and returning to life with Nate Archibald by her side but Chuck would do his best to prevent it. He spared no expense or thought to anyone or anything other than himself.

Which is the main reason Blair would end it with him.

"Oh, good morning." He told her more brightly upon seeing her. He kissed her quickly on her lips and began searching for something to relieve his pain, but he'd need a lot more than aspirin after Blair was done here.

"So you just left last night Waldorf." He remarked.

"Yes." Blair said distracted.

After a minute or so of silence, Chuck gave her a questioning look.

"Want to tell me why?" He demanded.

If Blair wasn't planning on ending it with Chuck, she would have started acting sultry and get into bed with him.

But she wanted to do that with Nate and only Nate.

"Because I needed time to think and gain some perspective here." She snapped, sitting down.

Chuck stopped and sat down beside her. He wanted to calm her, reassure her he loved her and just be honest. But sometimes, as we know, reassurance and honesty just doesn't cut it.

"Blair Cornelia Waldorf. You know I love you. Whatever it is, it can be paid off. Or we'll just get through it together, whatever it is." He whispered, grabbing her hand and treasuring it. Blair felt ill.

"I slept with Nate." The whisper slipped through her lips. It was strange, she didn't plan on saying it like that or that moment, it just escaped. Like everything else in her life.

Chuck thought she was joking at first, but with her hand pressed against her forehead in complete anxiety and the sudden heat in the air and the lump forming in his throat, he knew. She slept with him and it wasn't just that, she was in love with him.

Chuck Bass was a guy who always played to his advantage, whatever it was. And if it meant forgiveness to keep Blair Waldorf on his arm, then forgiveness it was.

"I forgive you." He said his voice cracked and feeble.

"I didn't just sleep with him. I told him things and I-

"It's not like I haven't made my mistakes too Blair." He replied calmly.

Blair shot up like a soldier. "I don't want to be with you."

"You think that after this, I'm just going to let you go and let you live happily ever after with prince fucking charming?" He asked in a stern tone.

Silence swept into the room as Blair contemplated her situation. Chuck was safe. There was a time when he was the most dangerous person she knew, but he became safe. Now she was getting herself into another dangerous place with Nate.

Stay safe or run a risk.

"Blair, you do want to be with me. You've told me too many times before. I'm not going to let what we have go because of a cheap one night stand." Chuck then smiled at her and Blair sighed.

"You just can't comprehend the possibility of someone not wanting you." She stated the universal truth.

"I am quite irresistible." He quipped.

"Trust me, Chuck, you are when you say that. We're over, okay? Stone cold, dead on the ground, over." She informed him as she stomped out of his apartment

But it wasn't. Not until Chuck Bass said so.

--

"It's on Gossip Girl." Serena informed Blair as she strode in, Dan Humphrey in tow into Blair's bedroom. Blair scrunched her nose at Dan and he squeezed Serena's hand a little tighter, in case she dare attacked. Blair smiled a devious smile.

"Good." She said simply. It wasn't the reply Serena expected, but then again _this_ wasn't expected. Okay, it was because it was Nate and Blair.

"Um, okay. What about Chuck?" She questioned.

"What about him?"

"Um, don't you think-?

"D-Hump, please. You don't get to express an opinion in here." Blair instructed. Dan rolled his eyes and opted to stay quiet.

"I ended it." Blair smiled a warm smile. Serena gave a weak smile in response. Chuck was going to do something, she knew that much. Revenge was always his favorite dish. And Nate and Blair would go back to being Nate and Blair.

Serena wasn't as happy with Blair's choice as she thought she would have been. The endless cycle that was Blair Waldorf and Nate Archibald's relationship always had effects, like Nate having sex with Serena or Blair throwing a fit because he just couldn't find the right thing to say at the right time for her.

Maybe it would be different this time, though.

"How did he take it?" Serena probed. Blair's smile faded as she realized that Chuck had actually forgiven her. And that was an extremely rare occurrence.

"He said he forgave me. Besides it not like he can do much else. Nate, me and you are his life." She told her with conviction. Serena nodded thoughtfully in agreement.

"Well Dan and I are going to let you be, okay? You're done organizing the ball and everything right? You don't need any help?" Serena offered.

"Everything's in order. Trust me." Blair told her calmly, talking about more than the ball.

"How long until she cheats with Chuck again then?" Dan joked with Serena, but she didn't really find it amusing and responded by hitting his arm playfully.

"Oh no, Blair and Nate…they just belong together. They always have. They actually give me hope, you know? That two people can be in each others lives for so long and he still has Blair smiling like that." She said in a fit of romantic thought. She looked at her hand in Dan's. "I hope I still keep you smiling at the thought of me." She added, now looking into his eyes. Dan's hand flinched involuntarily.

"Does Nate still make you smile?" He asked in a more nasty tone than he meant.

"Are you being serious?" She demanded.

Nate and Serena were good friends again and Serena liked it that way. She didn't want him, she wanted Dan. But Nate Archibald had an aura that just seemed to make people insecure. He was like a treasure you were always afraid of losing.

Dan looked at her apologetically. He really should have just trusted her, for they were running smoothly for once and he felt secure with her for the first time.

"No. I'm sorry." He replied. He kissed her hand and Serena realized that it was probably the first time he apologized to her.

When Dan had something to say, he usually didn't wait long to say it. He felt like it was best to keep his mouth shut on this particular situation.

--

"Come in." Chuck said to Nate. Nate sighed. His arms were straight by his side and for the first time, he felt uncomfortable in Chuck's presence. Before, when he had discovered their affair, he just felt anger. Sheer fury was all he felt. Fury at his friend and rage at her Blair for what they had done. He never felt more betrayed.

"Sit." Chuck instructed. He wasn't rambling like he usually did, but his tone was still the same. Not worried. Not urgent. It was smooth and confident. "Or don't." He deadpanned.

"I'm not going to make excuses here Chuck," Nate began, "I admit it. I'm in love with her. I always have been. We slept together last night."

"Old news Nathaniel, old news." He replied, putting his scarf on.

"She already told me she ended it." Nate told him. Chuck shot him a look, a look that almost seemed desperate.

"Here's the thing, I'm in love with her too. And I always have been." He said bitterly. Nate's eyes narrowed.

"Here's the thing, Chuck, she chooses me." Nate shot back.

"You know, I wouldn't have expected Nate Archibald to have the balls to say it. Or do it, for that matter. You're not the one for her Nate; she's not the one for you. You were both doomed from the start and well, screwing Serena didn't exactly help." Chuck snarled, approaching Nate. He was fuming. Nate just smiled.

"She chooses me. I choose her. It's always been Blair and I, Chuck. Maybe you were too blinded by love to actually see that." He smirked.

"She got scared and she slept with you."

"I could say the same thing about you and Blair!" Nate shouted.

WHACK.

Nate was flung against the bar as glasses clattered to the floor and smashed. He put his hand to his lips and sure enough, it was bleeding.

He didn't dare move.

"Get out." Chuck eyes seemed fixed on the wall opposite him. Nate stumbled out. "I won't let this go, Nate." He added. Nate looked back.

"Blair and I have been through too much to let one of your schemes ruin us again." He said courage and confidence racing through his tone despite Chuck surprisingly strong fist.

"Well there's no harm on testing N and B a little more then." He remarked as he sipped his scotch.

--

"What the hell?" Blair demanded as Nate flopped onto her bed. Blair fetched some tissue from her bathroom and dabbed his lip.

"Chuck actually threw a punch." He mused.

"I didn't think he'd have it in him." She admitted.

Her eyes met Nate's for a fleeting moment and he took her hand.

"We should have told him together." Nate told her, feeling regretful at leaving her to do all the work. He was supposed to be Chuck's best friend and he'd done this to him. Now he was just as bad as him.

"We always are stronger together." She agreed. Blair sat lay beside him on the bed and held him. Whatever Chuck tried to throw at them, it didn't matter. Because all that really mattered were the moments like this. They ended the day just as they started it.

--

**Next chapter:** It's a winter dance (: NB + evil C + a fancy ball = drama!


	10. Benjamins in the ballroom

**A/N: **Its about time, I know (:

--

"Are you impressed?" Blair asked Nate with a devilish grin as she twirled around in her flowing, long Gucci gown. It was red, and so were Nate's cheeks. Blair smiled a victorious smile. And that moment, she knew everything was going to be amazing between her and Nate. He appreciated her this time. What was this, the third chance she'd given him? Well you know what they say, third times a charm.

Nate took her hand and kissed it chivalrously and it was Blair's turn to blush. He was as dashing as ever in his Armani tux. "You're very impressive Blair Waldorf."

"Do you think he'll be there?" Blair took Nate's hand as they rode the elevator. Nate sighed.

"There's a bar here Blair," He began knowingly, smiling to himself, "and besides, tonight isn't about him. It's about you and me." The elevator stopped and they walked out to their limo.

Blair kissed his cheek. A year ago, they had a disastrous ordeal at the masquerade ball that was supposed to lead to their first time. How triumphant it made Blair feel to rewrite history.

--

"Humphrey has released you from the leash?" Chuck mocked as Serena strolled into his suite.

"He's with Vanessa." She replied with disdain. "Drinking already?" She commented as Chuck sipped his scotch.

"Just warming up. So should you." He smiled in way that made Serena squirm.

"You wish, Bass-tard." Her nose scrunched up. Silence resumed for a while and it was awkward. Serena straightened out her white gown and glanced at Chuck staring into his drink. He looked broken. A pang of guilt flowed through her body. Even if it was Chuck, his father passed away and his girlfriend cheated on him. He deserved to be forgiven this time.

"Chuck, you know it was going to happen." She said softly, trying to rub salt in his wound. "You of all people…you know Nate. He's screwed up countless times but it doesn't matter because she's always loved him."

"She has never belonged with him though…he's like the fairytale prince. Blair has to come back to reality at some point and when she does she'll love me." His tone was pleading and desperate. Serena looked at him sympathetically. The mighty Chuck Bass had fallen. She wasn't aware of how Blair broke up with him or that Nate had spoken to him.

Chuck set his drink back on the bar and his eyes were stern.

"You won't do anything stupid, Chuck?" Serena asked. It was a stupid question, she knew he'd try and get petty revenge in some shape or form.

Chuck smiled slightly. "Define stupid, S."

--

Chuck and Serena had already hit the bar when Blair and Nate entered the ball. Blair fixed Nate's hair as they walked in because they couldn't keep away from each other on the way. Festivities had already begun and Eleanor, who was chairing the event, shot Blair a look of complete disapproval. Blair held her gaze, but it softened once she saw her daughter with Nate. Eleanor promptly excused herself from whoever she was conversing with and approached her daughter.

"Darling," she kissed her daughter's cheeks, "you were going to inform me when exactly?"

"Well it was quick mom." She said bashfully. Nate stiffened. He was sure that Eleanor wouldn't approve, considering his ass of a father.

"All I can say is that it's about time, Nathaniel." She smiled at him warmly. Nate was nothing short of shocked. "You'll both have to excuse me." She said as she approached Lily van der Woodsen.

"She didn't say anything to me, about the Captain." Nate said, forever stating the obvious. They began to dance and as Nate twirled her around and pulled her back into him, she said "It's not about the Captain. It's about you and me."

Chuck looked on at Nate and Blair as Serena drank her martini.

"You don't have to be here. I know they're your best friends so go over there." He told her, grateful for her sisterly stance on the whole situation.

"Chuck, do you really think I'm going to get in between those two again?" She deadpanned. "Come on, they're together. They and I is just…awkward. There's no need for another train wreck." She slurred. Chuck gave her an appreciative look.

"Well I'm afraid I must leave you for a while to execute something." He told her, reverting back to broody mode. Serena rolled her eyes and set down her dink and as Chuck stood up from the stool, she grabbed his arm.

"Chuck. Look, I know you were in love with her. She was your first love, I get it. But you two don't belong together. Nate and Blair's relationship has been questionable because they've made mistakes, but their love for each other is unquestionable. Blair's not the girl for you." She told him with conviction.

If Blair wasn't the one for him, who was?

"Well until I find that girl." Chuck drawled and left.

Nate and Blair's ridiculously huge smiles sickened him. When his father passed away, his world was ripped to shreds. He couldn't comprehend it. Now Lily was almost certainly going to run off with Humphrey from what Serena told him and Nate and Blair were together. He was sure this was as bad is it got, so what had he to lose?

"Can I cut in?" He smirked. Nate turned around, at first angry. But then sympathy for an old friend took over.

"We're trying to dance, sexual predator." Blair snapped, unforgiving.

"Chuck you should go." Nate urged him.

"If I recollect properly then you weren't complaining a few weeks ago, Waldorf. And besides Nate, she's all yours now. I just want to talk."

Nate's temper flared up but Blair held him back. Nothing was going to ruin this night. Experience taught that Chuck doesn't go away until he gets what he wants. In that, he was like Blair. Consistency is key.

"Its okay, sweetie we'll just feed the beast." She remarked. Chuck took Blairs hand and Nate looked at them for a while. "Nate, go." She told him. He stormed off to Serena.

"Chuck, I'm sorry for your dad. I know you've had a terrible time. But this isn't exactly helping." She scolded him.

"That's actually what I'm here for, I want to help Nate." He offered smoothly. Blair raised an eyebrow in complete confusion.

"Leave then." She smiled sweetly as if to say "Fuck off and die."

"We both know he's…not in a stable financial position-

"Doesn't matter." Blair dismissed him.

"Let me speak Blair. We both know my fathers money could set him and his family up again. Make his life better. Give his bank account a boost." He elaborated.

"Only you could literally attempt to buy friends Chuck." She smirked.

"In all seriousness Blair, Nate's still my best friend. As for you, well I only ask for the demise of your relationship in return." He said it as if it was the simplest instruction.

Blair laughed in the most sarcastic manner possible before slapping him and joining Serena.

--

The rest of the ball was a blurry haze to Nate. Chuck flirted shamelessly, Serena drunk excessively and Blair looked stunning. That's all he really wanted to remember, Blair.

Nate and Blair were having a post sex snuggle when Blair looked up at him with worry in her eyes. She loved him. She wanted to make his life better, not worse. She wanted things to be easier for him, not harder.

"How are things at home?" She asked. Nate fidgeted. Why would she bring up a subject like this?

"Okay I guess. My mom and I are just taking things day by day." He replied with no sign of optimism or pessimism. Blair frowned. In the Upper East Side, day by day wasn't good enough. She was Blair and she liked security, and she wasn't going to stand by and watch Nate lose whatever he had left.

"You know if you ever need anything I'm here for you. Always, whatever the price." She whispered, taking his hand and playing with it.

"I know." He admitted. "I'm always going to be there for you too."

Nate eventually dozed off and Blair looked at him for a while. She wanted to give Nate security, but she wanted to be with him more. Why did someone always have to get in the way? Blair wanted to slap Chuck again. She wasn't going to let it happen this time.

--

"I can't believe you tried to buy their breakup." Serena mused as they stumbled into Chuck's suite. "Okay maybe I can. Although I was expecting something more…creative from you Chuck."

"I was certain she'd give it up." Chuck responded.

"Its Nate and Blair." Serena informed him once again.

"I got her from him once I'll do it again." He insisted. Chuck flung his jacket on the floor.

Serena wondered to herself, why was she here, with him? She didn't reply this time, he was too adamant to let this go. So instead, she decided to let him ramble on.

"It's late; I'll call you a car." He offered.

"Don't." Serena instructed. There was a moment's silence. "You know my mom will kill me if I show up in the state I'm in." She added hastily.

"What about Brooklyn boy?" He questioned.

"What about him?" She said simply. "He's with her."

Chuck sat beside her on the bed. "I don't understand. He has you. But he wants to spend time with her? Why don't you go over and remind him of what he's missing."

"I shouldn't have to remind him. I don't know…they're like soul mates or something. They connect on every level and I'm just the one he comes to for sex. I don't care anymore." She removed her heels.

"I'll take the couch." He sounded all of a sudden sober.

"Don't be stupid-

"I'll take the couch." He repeated.

--

"I still can't comprehend why the hell he thinks he can buy everyone." Blair snarled as she and Serena lounged in her bedroom, Breakfast at Tiffany's playing in the background. Serena watched Blair's expression harden.

"You and Nate are still okay, right?" Serena probed.

"Okay? Last night was…amazing before Chuck reared his head. S, did he say anything to you?" She asked in a calm manner.

"He wants to ruin you and Nate…again." She stated frankly.

"He's made that perfectly clear. Offering money. He's shameless." She said in disgust.

"Blair, come on its not exactly been easy for him." Serena said calmly.

"Did you just defend him?" Blair asked her eyes wide.

"No one else is jumping to his defense." She remarked. "All you have to worry about is Nate. I'll take care of Chuck."

You better believe it. But that's coming up later.

"You're scaring me, S." She responded.

"Yeah and your neck is scaring me." She pointed to a love bite on Blair's neck. Blair put a hand over it immediately.

"I'm guessing that wasn't the work of Chuck." She giggled.

"He wishes." Blair laughed.

--

**A/N: **So will Blair reject or accept Chuck's paycheck? Find out next chapter (which will hopefully come a LOT quicker than this one did.) (: feedback is always appreciated.


	11. No choice

Blair lay on her bed, rigid. She bit her lip as she reminisced about the ball when Chuck had offered her money. She replayed the scenes she remembered over and over again in her head, analyzing everything she could. The sharp, demanding tone of Chucks voice and the sweet, delightful tone of Nate that excited her every time he said her name. She smiled at the mere thought of him. How great it was to have a chance, a real chance without Serena batting her eyelashes. Even if Chuck was here to intrude this time on their blossoming relationship, it didn't matter. Bass didn't stand a chance. He never did in the face of Waldorf.

Blair realized that this was of her own doing. The affair with Chuck, the demise of her and Nate, the relationship with Chuck and the realization that it always has been and always would be Nate. During summer, they had barely spoken, and they barely even had a chance to be friends. It reassured Blair that she was in charge of her own destiny.

This was why she was going to get a limo over to the Palace hotel right this minute and put Chuck in his place before he decided to try anything else. And why not call her sidekick for some assistance?

Blair dialed Serena's cell and waited for her to pick up. For the first time in a long time, she just got her voice mail instead. "S, when you get this, call me okay?" She frowned. It looked like Chuck would have to be taken care of by Blair and Blair alone.

--

Nate Archibald observed himself in the mirror. He was wearing a Hugo Boss button down shirt and he hadn't been planning on going out tonight, but the prospect of Blair alone in her bedroom waiting to be kissed was too much of an opportunity to pass up. However, he decided to check in with Serena just to make sure she wasn't taking Blair away from him. He called her, but he got her voice mail. She was probably too busy making out with Dan then.

On the way to Blair's place, Nate bought her one single red rose. Something told him he'd been here before, but this time everything was in its rightful place.

--

"Maybe she just wants some space." Vanessa remarked as Dan sat writing. Dan whipped around on his chair and shot her a confused look. "Serena." She clarified.

"She's had two weeks of space." Dan said with frustration. "In other news, Nate has disappeared from your radar."

"Because he's too busy making out with Blair. I doubt Serena has been making out with Chuck, jealous guy." She commented as Dan opened the window on the gossip girl page. The latest sighting was Chuck and Serena bowling with Eric. "Dan, please stop stalking via Gossip Girl and call her."

"I'm just revisiting old methods." He smiled and it earned a giggle from Vanessa.

--

Blair rapped on Chucks door before he reared his head.

"And you're here why?" He asked smoothly. Blair grimaced and entered to see her best friend at the bar.

"Serena, why are you here?" Blair demanded.

Serena was taken aback and set the shot she was about to drink back on the bar.

"Because I want a good Friday night, B." She replied with a huge grin on her face. Blair raised an eyebrow. She didn't even bother to give a response.

"Chuck Bass-tard," she began with the authority only she could command, I swear to God if I receive one more text message or one more e-mail telling me _to "Do what's best for Nate"_, I will get Nate and Brooklyn to ram you in the face and give you two black eyes in return for bestowing one on my boyfriend."

Chuck rolled his eyes slowly. Occasionally, he got philosophical when he was drunk and talked about how Blair and Nate would end up together and she'd always take him back because _he's Nate _and _you're Blair_.

"You know what the pathetic part is," he begins, in the manner such as Cece van der Woodsen would speak at a terrible opera, "is that you know that it's just a fairytale, it's all you and Nate have ever been. And guess what, there are no fairy tales in the real world Blair. Now exit my suite."

"Serena?" Blair gestured as she made her way out. Serena left her seat, but left her red jacket on the bar. She followed Blair and Blair slammed the suite door shut.

"And you're here because…" she trailed off, waiting for Serena to fill in the blank.

"Because no one else is, or will. B, you know I love and I'm on your side here…but come on, it's Chuck. I have to be here for him before you and Nate actually start speaking to him again." She told her, as if it was imperative.

"Please, don't hold your breath darling. Listen, I'm going to go, but we'll hang out tomorrow, okay?" She added, just to make sure Chuck wouldn't see too much of Serena.

"Okay." Serena said, already distracted and made her way back into the suite.

--

Blair didn't have a reason for even being in a two mile radius of the Humphrey residence, but she wanted to check in with V, and demand that Dan got his girlfriend back so then Chuck would live a solidarity existence. It was Vanessa who answered the door, and she had a look of complete confusion on her face.

"And you're here why?" She asked. Blair rolled her eyes, what, now Chuck and Vanessa were hanging out?

"I need to speak to Dan. How's that progressing anyway?" She asked suggestively.

"At a snails pace." She admitted. It was so typical; these people never seemed to chase after what they really wanted.

"Speed it up then." Blair replied simply.

"Right. We're not about to have sex behind Serena's back." She remarked, insulting Blair without even trying. It was a rare feat.

"Well if you're not going to get with Humphrey, make sure Serena does." Blair retorted. "I don't like her spending this much time with Chuck."

"Not that you're the possessive best friend or anything." She remarked, gesturing Blair to come inside. Blair shook her head.

"Look who's talking." She smiled in victory. "I didn't come here for a party anyway, just to check in." It sounded strange. Like friend talk.

"Okay. Goodnight then Blair." She said warmly.

"Night, make sure to seduce Humphrey please." She shouted. Vanessa ushered Blair outside and Blair giggled.

It's good to be Queen.

No sooner had she started making her way back to her limo, her cell began to ring. And the name was exactly the one she wanted to see.

"Hi boyfriend." She smiled.

"Listen, Blair I wanted to be a surprise but I've been waiting her two hours." Nate's voice said.

"Waiting where?" She inquired.

"In your bedroom." He replied simply.

Blair went from freezing to hot in the shortest time possible.

"I'll be right over." She smiled smugly.

You better believe it was good to be Queen.

--

"Blair's birthday isn't that far away." Serena mused, glass of red wine in hand. These people weren't wine drinkers; they were too young for it. But tonight, Serena was drinking like there was no tomorrow.

"If she could, shed have it turned into an internationally recognized holiday." Chuck remarked knowingly. Serena laughed, because it was true. "Besides…I doubt I'll be attending."

"You'll attend." Serena told him. Nate couldn't survive without you.

"You'd be the only one who actually wants me there. And then Blair would own you all night." He said, a little bit too sadly.

"Blair doesn't own me." Serena said feebly. Chuck smiled knowingly, suppressing a scoff. Something about Serena made him want to…be a better person. She made him happy. The past few days would have been dark ones had it not been for her.

"I wonder how many girls have donned this robe." She mused again.

"Yeah but you're one of the special ones." He told her. A mutual pause ensued.

"What are we doing?" Serena asked wistfully. The truth was, if logic had any place in the Upper East Side, she'd be at Dans and Chuck would be trying still to win Blair back. But instead, Chuck and Serena where here together. Chuck was still at the bar and he held her gaze.

It couldn't be so wrong, could it?

--

Blair had forgotten what it felt like when a choice worked out. When it was unambiguously the right move and everything slotted right into its rightful place.

When Nate kissed her, she remembered.

--

**Next up is Blairs birthday! (: Thanks for your feedback so far, it's always appreciated and thanks for reading.**


	12. Big love

If this was in any way, remotely like your average Chuck Bass and Serena van der Woodsen interaction, they would have been bickering with each other.

But nothing was normal anymore. Lily and Eric flew off to a resort in the Caribbean, abandoning Chuck. Blair and Nate were reunited once again, this time with devastating consequences and Serena had actually grown to like, and if she was honest with herself, love Chuck. She had always loved him in a 'you're-my-friends-friend-so-I'll-just-tolerate-you' type of manner. But now she actually loved him because underneath it all, he had a soul. She started to see why Blair had given her and Chuck a chance, even though with hindsight, they never really stood one.

She knew Chuck would always be second best for Blair. And she also knew that Chuck didn't deserve to be some ones second best. After all, who does? Senior year was already going to be one to remember. And not just a few stand moments, oh no. These memories were going to be vivid.

It was five in the morning and Serena had spent the majority of the night crying. She didn't have an exact reason, but everything had culminated together. She and Dan were over. Lily and Eric had run away and she had come to the conclusion that it must be in the family. Karma's a bitch. She was in the en-suite bathroom washing her face when Chuck peered around the door to see what the whimpering was about. Normally, she would have said some line about Chuck being a complete creep, but like I said, nothing was normal anymore.

"It's okay." He murmured. Serena turned around, wiped her cheek and collapsed into his arms. "I always knew," he began, his voice husky, "that behind all the perfection…the gleaming hair and the bright smile, lay the saddest girl in the whole Upper East Side." Not even Blair or Nate could sum up Serena that well, because it was true. She had never felt more vulnerable in her life. Not when she and Dan were supposed to have sex together for the first time but didn't. Not when Nate had taken her virginity or when they had disaster sex during summer. Here she was, fully clothed and never feeling more naked.

Destiny is no matter of chance, it's a matter of choice. There are moments when a decision can change the course of your life and Serena van der Woodsen knew she had to take one of them. She could just kiss him, and they could have their one night_. Blair wouldn't have to know. But she'd find out, because she's Blair Waldorf. But Blair shouldn't care, should she?_ She thought frantically. She knew Blair too well. And frankly, sometimes it was just annoying. She could have taken a chance with Chuck, but she couldn't take a chance of hurting her best friend all over again. She smiled sardonically.

She resisted. What she didn't know was similar thoughts were racing through his mind.

--

Nate flopped down on his four poster bed. He had never been one to actually show concern over his education; he was a legacy at Dartmouth because of his father. But now, the once well respected Captain was nowhere to be heard of or seen. The only reason the Archibalds still had their townhouse was because Grandpa had finally relented and let them back into the fold. He whipped off his St Jude's blazer and removed his tie. He was very frustrated because Blair was obviously going to Yale; there was no doubt about that. Now Nate would be lucky to go to community college let alone receive an Ivy League education.

And worst of all, Blair would find someone smarter, blonder with a bigger bank account. See? Even Nathaniel Archibald had the occasionally spurt of insecurity.

"Hi boyfriend." Blair pranced into his bedroom and practically leaped on top of him. Instead of going into full on hot boyfriend mode, Nate grabbed Blair's waist and rolled her beside him. She giggled and he forced a weak smile.

"Blair, we need to talk." He said, clear to Blair that something was really wrong.

"You can't tell me anything that wouldn't make me love you." Blair said sweetly. She was the most hardcore romantic Nate had ever met.

"With my grades…and my dad, there's no way I'm getting admitted to Yale." He confessed. Blair knew it was coming, but she could be the queen of denial. Her smile reverted into a frown. His grades were mediocre at best and the Archibald name had officially crumbled to ruins a long time ago. But Blair had one plan that just might work.

"I'll tell my dad to have words with people. Nate…I want you there with me at Yale-

"And I want to be there with you, but hat if it isn't just meant to be?" He protested.

If Nate was going to talk fate, he was talking to the wrong girl. There were two things that were "meant to be" in Blair life:

Number one: Go to Yale.

Number two: Go with Nate Archibald.

"It's still worth a try." She replied. It always was with Nate. Blair rose from the bed and opened her Louis Vuitton bag, pulled several books out and got to work.

"It's a wonder your work ethic didn't rub off on me." He observed. One of the best things about her was, she would work for everything she wanted even though despite being born in a world where it was handed to you're on a silver platter.

"Opposites attract." She quipped, with a huge smile.

--

That night, as soon as Blair got home from dinner at the Archibald's, she retreated to her room to make plans. Oddly, Serena hadn't attempted to contact her all day. Blair didn't mind anyway, because anything involving Serena these days usually involved the Bass-hole himself. She dialled the number of her father's chateau, thinking _Daddy better deliver_ bitterly.

Half an hour into the call, Blair sighed. She didn't know why her dad was resisting anyway, she was his daughter. If he could ruin her family, she could hold it against him.

"Bear…there was a time when Nate was the one for you. Have you ever thought that maybe that time has passed?" asked Harold Waldorf, his voice wavering in fear of his daughter's response.

"I did. I know now I was wrong." She explained simply.

"Don't forget he betrayed you. I know I haven't. I dread the fact that you're asking me to do this for your philandering boyfriend…when I know you deserve more. What happened with you and Chuck anyway?" Her father rambled.

"I wasn't really in love with him…because I'm still in love with Nate. I mean…I was trying with Chuck but every time I seen Nate I could actually feel myself fall for him. I mean that has to mean something after knowing the person for over ten years. Daddy, I know I sound ridiculous but it's…different this time. We've had to time to just think and we realized that what we really wanted was right there all along. At least I have."

Blair was breathless after the end of her speech. Harold was shocked.

"Fine bear. I'll consider it. I'll talk to you later." He said sternly and hung up. A smile spread across her face. He'd do it because he loved her. Because she wouldn't have it any other way.

--

Vanessa had enough.

Enough of waiting.

She was going to do it right now. As soon as she would knock on Dan's door, she'd make her move, despite the possibility of completely ruining their friendship. It was strange anyway, considering her and Dan didn't really work as best friends. He'd either give himself and Vanessa a chance to be together, or they'd never speak again, even though they lived in the same residence. Not speaking to him ever again was better than this torture she was subjecting herself to. Blair was right. If Serena wasn't going to keep Brooklyn boy occupied, well V would just have to step up.

"Since when do you knock?" Dan furrowed his eyebrows in that completely sweet way that made Vanessa smile. He was still brooding over Serena, but then again this was the Dan that Vanessa had known pre-Serena.

Vanessa stepped tentatively inside and twirled around to face him.

"Dan. I love you. I always have." It wasn't a huge declaration, but saying the l-word was as far as she could go tonight.

"Well I love you to Vanessa. Do you want to do something tonight? It feels like I've been in this room since the dawn of freakin' time-

"No Dan. I'm in love with you."

Everything between them became awkward. The air was charged and every fibre in Dans body was telling him this was wrong.

Vanessa walked towards him. Dan was confused and knowing all at once. But when she pressed her lips to his, it was surprisingly pleasant. It was right. They fitted. It felt good, more than good. It was a moment of clarity in a city of delusion.

--

"All alone tonight?" An unmistakable voice asked smugly. Blair whirled around in her bar stool. There she was, sipping her martini, minding her own business (for once) and yet he still had to rear his ugly head.

"Waiting on my best friend, actually. Its not often she can squirm free of your paws these days." She smiled her go-fuck-off-and-die smile and Chuck joined her. It's not like he ever needed an invitation.

"This is stupid Blair. Can't we call truce?" He asked before he ordered his drink. Blair rolled her eyes. She'd be lying if she said that she didn't miss Chuck, but only as a friend. They were too similar to be in a relationship. They were both the out-shined counterparts of their blond companions, both schemers and both as selfish as each other. Thus, their relationship got boring when all the seductive games had subsided. Nate kept Blair on her toes.

"What do you think is stupid, Chuck? Nate and I? I can't be your friend until you accept us again." She said lazily.

"If I accept you two together again, we're just going to repeat this cycle. You and Nate break-up, you run to me, he gets pissed off and wants you back. Lather, rinse and repeat." He told her knowingly.

"What the hell is going on between you and Serena?" Blair demanded randomly. She knew what was going on. They were spending far too much time together.

"What about Serena and me?" He said, his tone hinted with frantic.

"What about Serena?" Speak of the devil. Chuck left his seat and looked Serena up and down. He couldn't help himself. He never could. What Blair saw intrigued her. Serena didn't tell him that he was a slime ball and she also didn't tell him to leave.

"Depart, Chuck, would you?" Blair commanded. Chuck smiled at Serena and slunk out of the hotel.

"Cold." Serena remarked as she took his seat.

"Well considering we haven't had B and S time for quite some time."

"Blair, we spoke last night." Serena reminded her. Blair smiled, defeated.

"What's going on between you two?" She asked, less demanding than she asked Chuck.

"Blair. I understand that you two aren't on good terms but someone has to be there for him." She protested.

"Why though? Why can't it go back to it just being you, Nate and I?" Blair asked. Serena laughed.

"I think there are a lot of reasons why it can't go back to just being us three, B." She laughed. Blair actually agreed. It shouldn't go back to being just them three. "And besides…it's us four. Non-judging breakfast club and all that."

Blairs catchphrase sounded oddly out of place now.

--

Blair found herself in Nate's bedroom. She didn't care that it was a school night. She didn't care about anything anymore, except Nate and Yale.

"Hey." Nate's green eyes glimmered at the sight of her. He sat beside her on the bed, smiled sweetly and started leaving a trail of kisses along her neck.

"Someone's cheered up." Blair said cheerily. Nate wondered how he ever let her go away.

"As long I have you…nothing else matters." He said knowingly, making Blair melt.

"Those are some big words, Nate." She replied, her hand on his cheek.

Big words for a big love.

--

**A/N: **I hope to be updating this story more frequently now. I LOVE reviews! (: Thanks for reading.


	13. Not all is lost

Nate hadn't planned what he was going to do this Saturday, but when did he ever plan? He wanted someone to discuss things with. Chuck was firmly out of the picture, and it's not as if he and Blair spent most of their time talking. He aimlessly wandered around the Upper East Side, until he received a text from Vanessa, asking him for a catch-up. He obliged.

"It's been a while." She greeted him warmly as Nate entered the coffee shop slash art gallery. They both smiled warmly at each other and Vanessa hugged him. "So you and Blair are finally back on track, huh? It's about time." She added.

"Thought you didn't go on Gossip Girl." Nate said sceptically.

"No. But Dan does." She replied. "And Dan and I are together now, just so you know." She said a little bit too giddily. And Vanessa was never giddy. Nate frowned.

"What about Serena?" He blurted out. "I mean I thought she and Dan were still together." It's true, when you're in love you don't recognise anything else happening around you.

Vanessa stayed silent. And it hit her, _what about Serena? _But she quickly dismissed her concern. After all, Dan had told Vanessa he was in love with her, then Vanessa comes back and Serena's all over him. Things had finally come full circle.

"Serena's a big girl. And she ended things with Dan." She replied, giving Nate his coffee and a muffin. Knowing rightly, Serena hadn't officially ended it with Dan. They just…stopped. Nate eyed Vanessa and Vanessa eyed Nate. He proceeded to tell her about his Yale dilemma.

--

"Sometimes I think Nate really doesn't want this." Blair mused as she handled her father's old Yale sweater.

"Of course he wants it Blair. What else could he want?" Serena sighed, exasperated. All afternoon, Blair had been stressing over Yale and Nate. Just like old times. "Trust me Blair, it's what everyone wants, no one in our position is going to turn Yale and the possibility of going with their boyfriend or girlfriend."

Blair nodded. A certain sense of sadness swept over her. She could see where Serena was coming from, but what if this really wasn't what Nate wanted? She loved him, that was the only thing she knew and she wanted him to be happy. And at this present time, he wasn't. He was moping. It wasn't like the good old days when they were fifteen and Nate just lit up a joint and his troubles floated away in a cloud of smoke. But knowing something was unlikely to happen didn't stop Blair Waldorf from trying.

"B, I have to go soon. Dan and I are in need of a talk." Serena admitted. Blair and Nate were so preoccupied, what with being in love and all, that Blair hadn't noticed that Serena and Dan were kind of not together.

"It's over, huh?" She said. Such simple words were laced with sympathy for her best friend. As much as she knew Serena could do better than Cabbage Patch, Blair knew you never forget your first love.

"It's over." Serena agreed, with a sad smile. Blair sat down on her bed beside her friend and threw an arm around her.

"What happened?" She asked.

Serena hesitated. Chuck was what happened.

"I just don't think we belong together. Love fades. Anyone can love but…finding that type of love that is constant throughout your life…that's what I want. And there's the small fact that when my mom comes back tomorrow she'll be suddenly in love with Rufus. And he's that person for her. He's the one." She told her.

Blair and her Yale situation suddenly seemed trivial. "I'm sorry S."

"I'm not." Serena smiled. "It's actually…relieving. I'm going to love and leave you Blair." She hugged Blair.

"I'm going to miss mocking him." Blair mused. "Oh well. Ditch that Brooklyn trash girl."

--

"It's been a while." Serena commented timidly. The Humphrey loft hadn't changed since she abandoned her relationship with Dan to go all supportive of Chuck. She could tell instantly that coming here was a bad idea; it was break up sex waiting to happen, with Dan's bed in close proximity. "Listen, Dan I'm going to get straight to the point here. We're not working, are we?"

"I don't think you need to ask, Serena." He replied, running a hand through his hair. "Why are you here?"

"Um…" Serena didn't exactly know why. "To confirm the breakup?" She could help but emit a short laugh.

"Uh, you've already done that too." He replied bitterly.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Serena sounded as innocent as she looked.

Dan fidgeted awkwardly. "You and Chuck?"

"What about Chuck and me?" She frowned.

"Listen, Serena. It's okay. We're over now, its okay. But I mean, Chuck? That's kind of weird. I didn't know you were that close." He said, his eyes widening at the thought of his ex girlfriend and Chuck together.

"We're not together Dan. I wouldn't cheat on you. But I guess you would, considering you spent last summer whoring around, which Chuck didn't."

"Because he was with your best friend." Dan reminded her. Serena paused, stuck on what to say. Chuck was with Blair.

Chuck was in love with Blair.

"Once again, Dan. Chuck and I? Not together." She repeated.

"Maybe you should be." He responded smugly.

"I could say the same for you and Vanessa." Serena shot back and left the loft. She really shouldn't have come here.

Dan smiled at her exit. "I'm all over it Serena." He smiled smugly and called Vanessa.

"I can't believe you. This girl is the love of your life Dan." Jenny remarked, as if she was Dan's mother.

"I'm seventeen, Jenny. And Serena and I don't work. I just want to be happy. And in her world, that's not on the menu."

--

It was a clear, still night in the city. In the summer, it was too warm and clammy, in the winter it was freezing cold but tonight, things were just right. Nate was walking home. He thought to himself that it was a good night for a run, but he didn't want to be all sweaty for Blair.

Every time Nate saw a limo, he pictured Chuck inside it. No doubt he'd probably have two women and a bottle of champagne flowing. Every time, Nate smiled at the image. He missed his best friend. He missed being fifteen, when it was him and Blair and Chuck and Serena. The lines weren't blurred back then. Nate wandered slowly along, when a window rolled down.

"Nathaniel!"

Of course.

"Well look who it is." Nate greeted. They were estranged, no doubt. For a fleeting minute, Nate thought to himself that this is what it must have been like for Serena and Blair when Nate had sex with Serena for the first time. He had never understood the true magnitude of what he had done, until him and Chuck stopped interacting all together. What goes around really does come around.

A silence resumed between them, until Chuck finally put his drink down.

"Do you want to get drunk tonight?" He offered his ex-best friend bluntly.

"I don't know. Last time that happened it didn't work out so well." Nate said sentimentally.

"For old times sake, Nate." Chuck said with a hint of begging. Over the last few weeks, he had so much time to think. He knew he lost his dad, he knew he'd lost Lily and Blair. If he was going to get his best friend back, he wouldn't be complaining about it.

Nate felt a surge of gratitude. Although he knew he and Chuck would never be the same again, he knew he missed him. And it's not like Chuck had to forgive Nate for Blair, although Nate forgave Chuck for Blair.

"For old times sake." Nate smirked and entered the limousine.

--

Blair was waiting for Serena to show up at the Palace for drinks tonight. Serena was late, as usual. She wasn't surrounded by her usual fleet of minions; although she could have used them because she was sure she looked like a complete loner. Nate hadn't called her all day, but she decided to let it go because lately, they hadn't spent a day apart. And with his college prospects looking bleak, Blair decided that it was best to practice being without him. Although, it wasn't going to make her sop hurting any less. Blair was once told by her grandmother that she learned her scheming from her mother and her unrealistic dreaming from her father. Usually, it was a killer combination and she hoped it wouldn't let her down this time.

Just as Blair set down her martini, Serena entered, as composed as ever.

"You're not going to like who propositioned me on the way over here." She said mysteriously. Blair raised an eyebrow. There were a lot of people she didn't like. "Chuck Bass and Nate were driving past me, drunk off their asses." She emitted a giggle. "Their bromance is back, B. It was cute; they looked like they were having fun."

Something was so flippant about how Serena informed Blair. But surprisingly, she didn't feel anger or anything negative about it. She knew, that sometimes, for know rhyme or reason people are just bound to one another. Chuck and Nate were just like Blair and Serena in that respect.

"You're not mad." Serena added after she ordered a drink.

"Are you surprised?" Blair asked. "Like I said last week, S, I can only accept Chuck if he accepts Nate and me and it looks like he has. I wondered what…changed his mind." Blair trailed off mid sentence, because she just realized something.

Chuck and Serena.

It happened.

Or it was happening.

Or it was going to happen.

"How did the post breakup talk go?" Blair asked her quickly, eager to get some perspective.

"Not so well. But I've stopped caring. Besides, I'm sure he was so wired because I interrupted his make out session with Vanessa." She replied, slightly disgusted.

"I'm sorry, S." Blair said sweetly.

"Don't be." Serena couldn't help but smile to herself. "I'm moving on to better things."

Blair finished her drink and gulped. "I know you. And I know there's something between you and Chuck, so don't deny it. I don't want a sex-with-Nate-during-summer fiasco all over again, so just tell me. You're my best friend and I want you to talk to me about these things, even if it is weird."

It was quite possibly, the most earnest and sweet statement Serena heard Blair say in her life.

"I don't want one of those either." Serena began, "which is why Chuck and I could never happen."

"That's not true-

"Blair, no. Okay it can't. It's just…a crush. It'll fade." Serena sighed. Never before had she contemplated that sentence escaping her lips. "Besides, things are weird enough as it is without me dating Chuck Bass. My mom would kill me."

"Speak of the devil." Blair observed. It was Lily, with Rufus Humphrey right behind her. "There are just certain people that don't belong in the palace and well Rufus Humphrey is one of them." She added snidely.

Serena whirled around. Lily and Rufus were a considerable distance away from Blair and Serena. And now, it looked like Serena was a considerable distance away from her mother emotionally too.

"She didn't call." The blond girl murmured. "She's back and she couldn't even wait…she's already all over Humphrey senior."

Blair felt a rush of sympathy for her friend. This was Blair and Serena, and Blair had to get Serena out of here to forget, even if it was only for a night.

"Come on." Blair linked her arm with Serena the way only a best friend can and led her out of the building. She flipped open her cell and scrolled down her contacts to find the one she loved the most.

"Nate, what are you doing tonight?" She demanded playfully.

"Oh, hey baby girl!" He greeted her enthusiastically. _He must be drunk off his ass. _Blair thought to herself and she couldn't suppress a smile. "Chuck and I are at my place, are you coming?"

Blair heard shouting and Lil' Wayne pounding in the background. There were certainly more people there than Nate and Chuck. It sounded like the whole lacrosse team and Blair's minions and everyone else were in attendance. Mrs Archibald wouldn't be pleased days later to find her home reeking of alcohol and smoke, but she was staying with her sister in Connecticut, leaving Nate by himself with the maids and cooks. So why not?

"Oh, we're coming." She replied.

--

Blair and Serena wandered inside. Blair thought the party would be confined to the third floor of the townhouse, but apparently not. Looks like Chuck called Kati and Isabelle, and well once those two are called you can expect half the Upper East Side to turn up.

"And all of a sudden we're what, fourteen?" Serena commented.

Chuck Bass glanced away from Isabelle Coats and his eyes fell on Serena. She really was beautiful. She was always beautiful. Of course, he'd never have a chance with her. That would just be too much. And she was sure she didn't see him in that way anyway. Chuck had a habit of wanting the person he couldn't have, it's easy when you live in a world where you can have anything.

Almost anything.

Nate slid down the banister of the staircase and to find his girlfriend at the bottom to meet him.

"Hey." Blair said simply.

"Hey." Nate smirked in a sexy way that he knew Blair couldn't resist. Blair didn't waste any time, she didn't care who was leering at them. She pulled Nate towards her and kissed him.

"It really is like old times." Serena said as she approached Chuck. "They really are going to wind up married aren't they?"

"With beautiful kids. And us as god parents. I'll be the best man and you'll be the maid of honour. Do you think plans can work out Serena?" He looked into her blue eyes. She looked into his.

"I do." She made her way over to the cabinet where the Archibald's stored their finest scotch and helped herself. She downed it in one gulp. "I broke up with Dan today." She informed him.

"He wasn't good enough for you." He told her.

"Any ideas who might be?" She teased and looked around the room.

"Nothing comes to mind." He replied smoothly.

Serena grabbed him by the tie. She didn't care who would whisper and spread malicious gossip all over the room. She didn't care that it would be Gossip Girls first post tomorrow morning. She didn't care that he used to be her step brother. She felt so much like herself again, the Serena that just didn't _care. _

"You once told me love was a game Chuck. So we should play, right?" She grinned.

Chuck agreed. How right it felt to be wrong.

But something really was wrong. He didn't want him and Serena to be a drunken one night stand. He wanted more.

But if Nate and Blair could get drunk and resume their relationship, so could Chuck and Serena. "Gossip Girl is going to slaughter us." He remarked, sliding an arm around her back. She flung her arms around him.

"But at least we'll look good in the photographs." She smiled, bit her lip nervously and went in for the kiss.

A record must have been set for the largest amount of cell phones taken out of pockets and clutches to snag a photograph that night.

--

"Oh my fucking god." Blair remarked. She and Nate were residing the Italian leather couch with Jenny Humphrey. "I knew it!" She exclaimed.

"That's…nasty." Jenny scrunched her nose, disgusted. Poor Dan. Blair shot her a dirty look.

"There's nothing nasty about it." She said, defending her friend. "Well, okay it is Chuck. But it's not as if their family anymore." She shrugged.

"My brother won't come out of his room for days." She put her head in her hands.

"They make a hot taboo." Nate stated.

"Come on." Blair got up and tugged Nate by his hand to approach them.

Serena finally pulled away from Chuck with a huge smile on her face. Well she got over Humpty-dumpty hastily.

"I knew it." Blair repeated, knowingly. "I told you not to deny it." She directed at Serena. She actually sounded happy for them. Nate didn't say anything. Part of him didn't really care and a bigger part of him wanted Blair in his bedroom.

"Blair…I…" Blair let go of Nate's hand and took Serena's. She led her to the corner of the room.

"It's okay." She told her softly. It was all she said. Serena's eyebrows furrowed, she was confused. She was preparing for Blair's wrath, not her blessing. In a drunken haze, Serena enveloped her friend in a hug.

--

It was approximately four in the morning when people departed from the Archibald residence. Blair, Nate, Chuck and Serena were lying all on his bed.

"A good night all round." Chuck gasped. He was worn out. It was a night to remember.

"A night to remember." Serena agreed.

Nate led Blair outside suddenly. He wanted to speak to her alone.

"I'm tired, Natie." Blair crooned as she snuggled into his neck. He led her outside to his garden and they sat down by the fountain.

"I love you. I love you so much Blair. I don't want to be with anyone else. And I'm afraid of losing you. I know I will lose you. Because you'll go to Yale and-

"Daddy is working on it." She interrupted.

"Blair. I need you to promise that you're going to go anyway, regardless of me." He took hold of both her hands and stared into her eyes.

Blair couldn't answer that question at this present moment. She didn't want to go anywhere without him. But the way he was looking at her right now, she had to tell him what he wanted to hear. She had to put him at ease.

"Yes. Okay." She began, "But I don't want to be with anyone else either. I don't want you going somewhere else. I don't want you to find some girl that helps you get over me if this all ends in heartbreak."

Sometimes, Blair was glass half full and knew that ultimately, Nate was the only one for her. She didn't care that she was eighteen and had a life ahead of her. Love is love, and when you have intense feelings for someone at this age, they stay with you, always.

Sometimes, Blair was glass half empty and knew that in order to end up with Nate, there was going to heartbreak and Yale could potentially lead to that.

"I want you to know that I'll never get over you. No matter what happens." She said, letting go of whatever could have held her back from giving herself fully to Nate. He put his arms around her.

"I'll never get over you." He said, choking up.

--

_Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?  
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted  
Have you ever Thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?  
Have you ever looked fear in the face  
And said I just don't care_

_It's only half past the point of No return  
The tip of the iceberg  
The sun before the burn  
The thunder before lightning  
The breathe before the phrase  
Have you ever felt this way?_

_It's only half past the point of oblivion  
The hourglass on the table  
The walk before the run  
The breathe before the kiss  
And the fear before the flames  
Have you ever felt this way?_

_Have you ever wished for an endless night?  
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight  
Have you ever held your breathe and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?_

_Glitter in the air – Pink_

--

**A/N: **So! I really want all your opinions on Chuck and Serena together. Good or bad? Nasty or nice? Let me know! Also, next chapter will be a time jump. I hope your enjoying the story and there's a considerable amount to write yet. Thank you for reading and reviews are always nice. (:


	14. Burn your life down

_Tell me that you know another way to get it done  
it's not me or how I would be  
but it's a different situation a different situation_

- Tegan and Sara; Burn your life down

--

Ready.

Set.

_Rip._

The hairs stood on the back of Blair Waldorfs neck as she tore the envelope open. The envelope that she knew would decide everything. Everything she'd done over the years, all the projects, all the homework and all the extra curricular activities amounted to this. This was it. The letter that would determine everything that was to come.

She couldn't help but feel a sense of irony, because part of her was hoping that she wouldn't get in. The tiniest bit of her because okay, she wouldn't have Yale. But she would have Nate, and she honestly couldn't deduce which one was more important to her anymore.

_Dear Ms. Waldorf,_

_Congratulations on your admission to Yale College, class of 2010! This year nearly twenty three thousand students applied…_

Blair screamed at the top of her lungs and a huge smile graced her face. She threw the letter up in the air and didn't read any further because that first line was all that mattered.

That and a certain emerald eyed boy.

"Dorota!" She called. The maid hugged the girl she had seen struggle over the years for this one day, and Blair hugged back.

"Ah Ms Blair, I'd knew you'd be admitted. Yale doesn't turn down hard workers for yourself." The voice was full of pride.

Blair smiled smugly to herself. She couldn't suppress the elation she was feeling. She bid a goodbye to Dorota and practically skipped to her elevator. Firstly, she'd call Nate and he'd be just as joyous as she was, because by some sort of miracle the Yale board of admissions would have let him in, because someone there would be addicted to the Gossip Girl website, and with all those adorable pictures of B and N it would just be a sheer shame to tear apart the golden couple.

Whatever you say, B.

Then she'd go to the van der Woodsen-Humphrey-Bass-whatever you want to call it residence and the four of them would spend the night celebrating and practically shoving their acceptance in the Ivy League into everyone's face, because they were rich, beautiful and they were well on their way to becoming even richer and more enviable.

Don't you just adore it when things just work out?

--

Nate held his letter of acceptance and felt a mix of pride and sadness. He was accepted into USC, the school he had once longed to attend this time a year ago. Nate knew he had always rebelled against the path laid before him. The path was Blair and Dartmouth, and it was completely typical that the path he once set out to destroy for himself was the route he wanted more than anything now. He and Blair would be at opposite ends of the country. He glanced up at his mother, who gave him a forced smile. Of course, she wanted Dartmouth for him just as much as he wanted it now but the consequences of the Captain just weren't ending yet.

"I'm happy if you're happy, darling." Mrs Archibald enveloped her son in a tight hug. However, the door of the Captains former office flung open to reveal Blair, in a red dress, her once perfectly straight hair was now matted to her neck and several strands orbited her face. It was a scorching day in the city. She flung her arms around Nate with no regard to his mother.

"How did you do honey?" She asked breathlessly.

Nate looked down into her cobalt blue eyes. Blair was flushed and it looked as if she had run to his home. He was pretty sure he'd never see her this completely overjoyed again. He didn't want to disappoint her, like he'd done so many times before. But then again, he didn't want to be dishonest and loose her like that all over again.

"I didn't get in." He said sadly, quietly. Mrs. Archibald greeted Blair, who still had her acceptance letter clutched in her hand. She congratulated her son's girlfriend on her acceptance but Blair didn't hear anything after what Nate just said. Nate gave her his acceptance letter and she actually smiled at him. The smile wasn't sympathetic. She was happy for him, but not so happy about their future.

"Can I steal Nate from you?" Blair asked Mrs Archibald. She nodded and looked at the couple exit her home.

She couldn't see her Nate without Blair.

--

"This is great." Nate kissed his girlfriend on her forehead. He was so proud of her, but then again, was there ever really any doubt when it came to Blair and Yale?

"I'm just so happy." She beamed. The both of them were strolling to Serena's place when the girl herself called.

Blair flipped open her cell and her expression was one of complete anticipation.

"Guess who's going to Yale." She could hear Serena's smile over the line.

"Guess who will be joining you." Blair replied mischievously, unable to control her happiness even in the face of Nate.

"I just…its amazing. I can't believe Chuck got in-

_Wait. What? _Blair thought. Chuck Bass? How the hell did he get into Yale, and how could they turn down Nate for a sleaze-ball like him?

Serena continued to ramble and then asked where Nate was accepted.

"He's going to USC." Blair responded huffily. "Did you say Chuck got into Yale?"

Serena paused and said that yes, he'd be getting an Ivy League education. Blair felt furious. She didn't care that he was Serena's new plaything and she couldn't even summon some goodwill to feel slightly happy for him as a friend, because after everything he had done, he would still find some way of winning in the end.

"Blair I'm sorry about Nate." The blond girl said softly. Blair didn't reply. Would Serena be sorry when she was making out with Chuck on the lush Yale campus?

"We're outside your door." She told her friend as Nate rang the buzzer. Chuck opened the door. Blair shut her cell and if looks could kill, Chuck would have been dead.

But since a spell in prison would be frowned upon at Yale, she just punched his face instead.

--

"Blair, what the hell?" Serena demanded. Chuck just laughed as Nate stood with his mouth agape.

"How did you do it Chuck? Gave the Dean of admissions your fathers penthouse?" She snapped irritably.

"No actually he settled for a limousine." He replied smirking. No one found the reference to his Blair's relationship funny in the slightest.

"Blair just sit down or something." Serena instructed.

"I'm done here." She rolled her eyes with disgust. She left Nate, Chuck and Serena by themselves.

--

By the time she had stomped over to the Waldorf Brownstone, she was truly exasperated from anger. Nate had called her exactly ten times and Serena called twice, but they were the last people she wanted to see. Every time she looked at Nate, she would be reminded of their broken fairytale and every time she would see Serena, she'd see the girl who had the fairytale effortlessly.

She swept through her wardrobe and pulled out a black Chanel jacket and flung it on, still seething. There was no way she'd humour dear Eleanor tonight at dinner, or face a call from her father who was probably making out with his boyfriend in between conversation anyway. She wanted to go somewhere, anywhere. Even if she had to go by herself.

"Nathaniel's been calling relentlessly." Her mother commented as Blair walked into the elevator.

--

Blair found herself in a cafe she had never ever noticed before, all alone. She was sure she'd look like a complete loner and there were probably already rumors circulating that she wasn't going to Yale or had broken up with Nate. She had everything she wanted including Nate and Yale, she just didn't get them together.

"Hey." Vanessa greeted stiffly. She and Dan were holding hands. It was completely awkward, but Vanessa thought it would have been ever more awkward had she and Dan just ignored Blair.

"Hi. Sit down." Blair said in a fit of spontaneity. She was feeling lonely, and she needed people who weren't Nate, Chuck or Serena.

Dan looked at Vanessa urgently but she just sat down.

"And where will you and Cabbage Patch be attending in the fall?" Blair questioned.

"This ones going to Yale." Vanessa said, her voice swollen with pride. "Big shot writer. " She muttered, kissing him on the cheek.

Blair sighed. _Why didn't her guy get in? _

"I'm going to NYU. What about you?" Vanessa asked.

"Yale. I got in." She replied solemnly.

"I thought you'd kill to be admitted to Yale." Dan remarked.

"I just…" Blair trailed off. She didn't owe an explanation to the king and queen of judgment. "Sometimes what you need isn't always what you want."

"I'm assuming Nate didn't get in." Dan replied knowingly.

"Well you are all seeing, Cabbage Patch." Blair smiled at them both and got up from her table. She paused. "You two look right for each other. Two artistic weirdo peas in a pod." She stated. She knew it was a strange thing to say. Dans eyebrows furrowed and Vanessa smiled to herself. "I just wish we knew who belonged with who a year ago." She added before making quite an awe inducing exit.

--

Blair Waldorf rarely found herself crawling back to people in life. But then again, these three weren't just people. She knocked and the door revealed Serena.

The taller girl didn't care that she'd punched her boyfriend. She hugged Blair. She was afraid Blair would do something stupid, of course it wasn't her style but Serena had learned that people do strange things in strange circumstances. She and Chuck were an example of just that.

"The guys are out looking for you." She murmured. Blair smiled.

"I'm sorry, S. I've been a bitch." She admitted. "I just…"

"I know. I know. But you're not a princess Blair and this certainly is no fairytale."

It was the wake up call Blair had been waiting for a long time. This was life, and if you weren't going to make it happen yourself, then things wouldn't happen. Unless you were Serena, of course. Blair sobbed into Serena's shoulder.

"Sssh. Its going to be okay. Nate will wait for you." Serena pulled out her cell and called Chuck to tell them that Blair had come back. Serena wiped away her friends tears and Blair laughed.

"You know today I thought this was it. Nate and I would be okay and our fate would be sealed. Isn't that the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard?" Blair exclaimed.

Chuck and Nate burst through the doors. Nate stared at Blair. Serena took Chuck hand.

"We're going to the Tribeca star for drinks. We're going to leave you two alone for a while." Serena alerted them. She led Chuck out and the door closed.

Silence settled between them.

"You haven't even left and you've already disappeared on me." Nate observed sadly.

"I'm sorry." Blair replied thoughtlessly.

"Is this what its going to be like from now? I'm not going to Yale so I don't matter? I'm not part of your plan anymore?"

"You're the biggest part." Blair snapped. "And now the biggest part won't be there. I was thinking that I should apply to-

"Don't even say it Blair." Nate said softly. He knew her too well. "I don't want you to have second best." His facial expression softened and he just hugged her.

"We're not even going to be in the same fricken time zone." She whined.

"Doesn't matter. We can defy time." He said in a goofy voice. Blair giggled.

"I want it to be you." Blair said simply, collapsing into his arms.

"It won't be over. It never will be." Nate assured her.

"You sound so sure." Blair lifted her head and looked at him directly in his eyes. Nate shrugged and he looked bashful. He was fifteen all over again, and falling in love with Blair Waldorf. She had grown a lot since then, even if she couldn't see it herself. Still, he could see glimpses of the girl who emulated Audrey Hepburn in every way possible and sometimes the plot twisted, but the goal always remained the same with her. He was sure he was the only one to see that girl.

"I am sure." He replied. He gave her a fleeting kiss.

"Tell Chuck I'm sorry for punching him." She blurted out and they both laughed.

"Well if we can both punch Chuck for each other then we can both wait for each other." Nate said seriously. Blair just nodded.

"I'll wait. I promise. But we've still got some time." She smiled. "So let's make the most of it."

--

**A/N: **LOL so this update took so much longer than it was supposed to. I promise the next one won't take as long (: feedback is always appreciated.


	15. No more wishing

**A/N: **This Monday is going to kick all other GG history to the kerb. (;

--

"_Love is not love which alters when its alteration finds,"_

- Sonnet 116 by Shakespeare

--

The sun shone on two gorgeous heads, one blond and one chestnut brown as Serena and Blair basked in a beautiful day. They were relaxing in Sheep's meadow in Central Park, lazily enjoying each others company. It had been a while since they visited their much liked childhood hang out. The last time Blair had been here she was in Nate's arms, Serena was at boarding school and Chuck was probably whoring himself out.

She remembers missing Serena. The only positive aspect of her life then was Nate, and back then he was acting distant. He knew he missed her too, she wasn't blind. Things were hazy when you were fifteen and just lost. Blair was glad she had stability and clarity these days.

"Isn't it just typical?" Blair remarked. "Just when things are perfect we have to leave."

Serena nodded thoughtfully, twirling a lock of her golden hair around her index finger. "I need to ask you something."

"Of course." Blair replied. She and Serena had been lying on their stomachs on the lush grass.

"Just remember you insisted we discuss these matters." She warned her friend warily.

"Out with it S." Blair demanded, smiling. She was hoping Serena was about to reveal a dramatic secret. Things were blissful lately and there's nothing scandalous about bliss.

And we all need some scandal.

"What was it like…" she hesitated and Serena rarely hesitated, "you…being with Chuck?"

Blair let a hollow laugh escape her lips. Serena sounded so innocent. "You and Chuck aren't exactly virgins. You both do fine I'm sure." He tone was condescending and a little too defensive. She was still bitter about the place at Yale waiting for Chuck and she wasn't going to deny that. Even on a night out Serena admitted it was completely random, but we all know money talks.

"Blair." Serena stated seriously.

Blair sat up. "The first time…" now she was the hesitant one, "when I turned around and saw the mess we left in the limo all I could see was the look on Nate's face when I told him that I didn't need him. And that hurt more than the occasion when I actually broke up with him."

Of course, _this _was _classic_. Even when Blair had been sleeping with other boys, there was only really one.

"I just…wish things weren't this weird. I wish I loved someone else. But whenever he smirks at me in that arrogant way…I just know."

Blair was about to remark on how romantic it was in a sarcastic way, but for two people so incapable of falling in love like Serena and Chuck, it actually was.

"It wasn't bad." Blair offered. "I mean…he tried…we tried…it just wasn't what I wanted."

"I get it." Serena responded whilst blushing, "It's not his fault he's not Nate Archibald."

"I think you're worried…that you and Chuck are going to be a train wreck like he and I were." She said softly. "I promise you, it won't."

"He's Chuck. I love him but everything he touches…crumbles. Or ends badly. Or something."

"You can be his saving grace then." Blair commented for Serena's benefit. "Someone has to do it, Serena." She added. "I wasn't the one for him. And the sad part is that I always knew that."

Serena remained silent. Blair couldn't believe she and Chuck hadn't slept together yet – there was only two weeks of summer left before she - they set off on a train to Connecticut. Of course, they were lucky. There was no pressure; they had a glorious four years together whether they liked it or not. Nate and Blair were trying to do it as much as humanly possible, of course. Nate had been mentioning to Blair all week about how he was whisking her away from the city heat to the Connecticut countryside and they were setting off together this evening but Blair wasn't that enthusiastic. She'd be with Nate, but she wanted something…crazy to happen. Some suspense, something different. The Upper East Siders and Gossip Girl alike had failed to deliver.

Blair was a perfectionist, always needing to something to improve on, something to fix. Now, there was nothing that needed fixing. She needed something to fight for again.

She wasn't about to make some speech about how Chuck and Serena would make it along with her and Nate, because the simple truth was after these two weeks nothing would be the same anymore. Like anyone's life, there's had been molded by their surroundings and theirs happened to be the luxury of the Upper East Side. And once that was gone, those old feelings and wants would be too.

--

After Blair departed from their girls afternoon, Serena made her way over to Chuck's suite. She lingered outside his door for a minute, contemplating her situation. They had lived together in the same social circle for years, laughed at each others failed relationships with the Queen Bee and Brooklyn and now they were in love. They had come this far and now, they were going to do it and it would be spectacular.

He was Chuck and she was Serena. It had to be, didn't it?

She knocked on his door. He opened it.

There was a time when she wouldn't have let him kiss her on the cheek, a time when he wouldn't have respected her every want, a time when she would have told him frankly to fuck off and a time when she looked at him, her eyes wouldn't have softened with tenderness.

His hands found her waist, her hands his neck and inevitably, they found their way to his bedroom.

But it was too much. How many other girls had he had in here?

"No." Serena gasped, pulling away from him with a definite sense of finality.

"What's wrong?" He asked, clearly confused.

"How many other girls have you brought into this suite?" Her tone wasn't threatening, it was just sad.

Chuck paused. Serena lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling above.

"A lot." He admitted. "But you're the only one that matters."

"Again with the…" she failed to finish her sentence.

"With the what?" He questioned.

"Blair."

Chuck moved so that the foreign yet familiar girl was underneath him.

"I'm not going to lie…there was a time when I loved her. But looking back…it was never meant to be, was it? And we could be. She wasn't…it wasn't like this. Being with Blair was like…I had to be perfection. With you I want to be perfection." Chuck was never one to expose his feelings like this and if Serena was to tell Blair or Nate, he'd punish her in a playful way.

Serena smiled her "_You know you love me_" smile. She felt exactly the same, but she wasn't going to say it. Chuck Bass had let his guard down completely and she loved that she'd probably be the only one to ever truly see it. Every guy before him including Aaron and Dan she felt she had to be perfect, particularly the latter. But for Chuck, she just wanted to be.

See? Not all who wander are lost.

--

After being let back into the fold (and the money) again by his grandfather, Nate could afford to be extravagant again. Although, he had been holding back more this summer, unlike his mother who was practically remodeling their all ready beautiful townhouse. Nate never wanted to make the mistakes his father did.

"You've been dreading it all summer, leaving. So I'm going to put your mind at ease." Nate had told her before they'd set off in a red mustang convertible to wherever he was taking her.

"Where the hell are we Nate? Lets just go home and pig out, I'm starving." Blair complained.

"When we're older, obviously we'll live in the city," he began because it was true. Blair would never dream of residing anywhere outside of Fifth Avenue to Park Avenue. "But we're going to need somewhere to escape to, on days like today."

The house he was leading to her was tucked away in North Stamford and instantly recognizable to Blair, built in the nineteen forties. She was sure it had an acre of land surrounding it. It was a vintage gem.

"What is this?" She asked, her tone softening.

"My Granddad isn't going to be here forever, Blair. I mean, telling him about you and I getting back together he was like, really glad. Almost as glad as I am." He smiled sexily. Blair knew it was different this time, because they weren't seventeen and stupid anymore. She and Nate were going to live in the real world and already, it sounded better because they were doing it together. "This is where we'll be spending summers."

"How very notebook of you." She commented. She couldn't let him get away with it; after all she didn't love Nate Archibald for his complete genius.

"What?" An eyebrow was raised, and Blair found it completely adorable. She didn't know if he'd ever seen the movie but that didn't matter. Real life was more than up to standard. He led her inside.

For a long time, Blair had an idea of what her relationship with Nate could be – how it should be. For a long time, she knew she was keeping them together on her own. Ever since Serena returned, she knew she was alone in this. But now he was just invested in it as much as she was. As she'd always been.

Blair Waldorf still had everything to fight for. Nate Archibald sometimes took things for granted, but when he realized it he always tried to appreciate those things. And people like that aren't common. She wasn't going to let anyone else have him, not now, not at college or anywhere else they went from here. So when she pushed him against they wall, and looked into his glittering green eyes, she knew she didn't need to say it. She made sure he could see it.

Nate remembered Blair's speech at graduation. He remembered how completely perfect it was. How it provoked thought and how it provoked Serena into a fully fledged sobbing session. The way Chuck looked at the girl on the podium, and how he knew that Blair wasn't a girl anymore, she was a woman, a strong one.

"I love you Blair." He said simply, kissing nape of her neck.

"I love you too Nathaniel Archibald. Always have."

"Always will."

"_The years ahead are sure to lay a trail of challenges before us, but if we set out into society with the manner in which we have been raised, and think with our heads but follow our hearts, and reflect on the achievements we have already accomplished, then there is nothing we cannot do."_

--

**A/N: **The next chapter will be set after the college years (: and reviews are always lovely.


	16. Beautiful day

**A/N: **So I don't really have a valid reason for not posting the post-college chapter, except a) I'm not happy with it _just _yet and b) Its felt a little too 'One Tree Hill' to post it as the sixteenth chapter, so instead I set this one in their freshman year at College. I hope you enjoy.

--

Recently, Blair began to understand the pressure her father had been under, a career in law? Totally over rated, especially when it means barely any free time to shower, eat and sleep. Chuck and Serena took courses which meant they spent most of their time breaking up and making up. Serena had been torn between English literature and drama, but she then discovered there was a course which combined both. Chuck was taking business studies, predictably. His fate was already sealed anyway; he'd be the head of Bass industries when he graduated.

This particular afternoon though, Blair wasn't buried in a book. Instead she and Serena were catching up in the living room of their residence just within walking distance of the lush Yale campus.

"How is Nate?" Serena asked curiously. "I can't say I've been keeping in touch." As if Blair knew. Blair knew she really should have known, but when you're at opposite ends of the country, how could you really know? There was long distance calls made every night after their last summer together in the Upper East Side but those had recently been waning. Blair just didn't have the time. Or rather, she wasn't making the time anymore.

"Honestly, I don't really know." Blair admitted. She didn't feel weird talking about things like this to Serena, they were best friends but her relationship with Nate had been at its best during and before the summer. Whenever guys hit on her, and it happened a lot, Blair was tempted especially when the guy was blond and had green eyes. She didn't though. They weren't Nate's green eyes or his floppy 'I'm-so-angst-ridden-with-my-embezzler-father' hair. "It'll be alright. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that."

She could feel Serena's scepticism from where she was sitting. Nate had never been known to be exactly celibate, and now he was at College. What else was a guy as completely gorgeous as him going to do? "I guess you both have a wonderful summer ahead of you both." Serena reasoned. "Sometimes I wish you'd just ditch and elope to California."

"Ha, I wish." It was so Serena to be receiving an Ivy League education and only want to dispense it. She had a point though, and Blair could see that. Happiness was all that truly mattered to Serena, and they could just live off their trust funds for the rest of their days. "And then return home to my beloved mother completely embarrassed, unable to show my face at a gathering again."

"Fuck 'em. Your happiness is what matters, B. Haven't you worked that out yet?" Serena smiled playfully.

"Sometimes I wonder why you and Chuck haven't eloped yet. You two are more alike than I thought." She replied.

"Sometimes I do too. But you're here." Serena got up from their Italian leather couch. "Come on, let's go to lunch."

"Oh please, don't let me keep you two from your wild trips away." She shot back; she could easily see Chuck and Serena in a convertible cruising down a highway with their matching sunglasses.

"Shut up. You know we love you." Then Serena linked her arm with Blair's the way only a best friend can and they set off.

--

Nathaniel Archibald was a complete and utter mess.

"I miss her so much." He told Chuck down the phone. Chuck was growing tired of Nate's endless pining. "We don't nearly talk as much as we used to."

"Oh Christ," Chuck said exasperated. "Don't pretend this is about talking."

Silence ensued before both of them laughed softly.

"I just wish she was here...I didn't think it would be this hard." He confided. Chuck wasn't one for understanding such matters. When Chuck Bass didn't get what he wanted (which was extremely rare) he let go, for instance, Blair. He knew Nate could never let go of that, though.

"I'd be the same if S wasn't here. Wait, are you trying to tell me that you haven't sleep with any of those California girls?" Chuck let a high pitched laugh escaped when Nate said he hadn't.

"I salute you Nathaniel...really if only you were like this a few years back." He deadpanned.

"Your girlfriends right there with you. So shut up. Listen, man I gotta go, lacrosse practice. Speak to you later."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Chuck clicked off.

Truth be told, Chuck would have missed Serena if she wasn't here. But he'd miss Nate the most, and he knew this because he was.

Thank God for Dan Humphrey.

He scrolled down his contacts and called him. Chuck felt ridiculous. Something told him Dan didn't have the same tolerance for scarf shopping that Nate had.

--

She didn't like it as much as she thought she was going to.

She was still in the City. She had got into the College of her first preference. She had been pegged as one of the most talented students the institution had to offer.

So why couldn't Vanessa smile these days?

Later that evening, as she fumbled through a notebook Dan had given her during the summer, the reason became all too apparent.

--

"Well, look what Brooklyn dragged in." Blair smirked deviously as she saw Chuck and Dan talking and walking towards the girls. "I hope Chuck doesn't think this is going to be a double date or something." She added, loathing the sight of them together.

"Chuck recognises the fact that Dan is not Nate." Serena mocked. "B, don't you think you and Nate should...take a break or something?" She asked, bracing herself.

Her initial reaction was one of complete dismissal, although secretly she knew Serena had more than a point. It was hard doing this, when Blair should have been completely focused on what she was studying, Nate would just have to cloud her thoughts. It was constant – she'd be sitting in the middle of a test wondering if Nate was taking a test, wondering if he'd hooked up with other people on the down low, wondering, wondering, wondering...

"B?" Her friend's slender hand was waving in front of her.

"I just-

"Hello Princess." Chuck greeted Serena in a warm tone. They were fighting last night; Blair heard them from her bedroom. It was always like this with them, Chuck would flirt with someone to evoke Serena's hidden possessive streak, Serena would flirt with Dan or whoever else was around, Chuck would realise that there was no other girl like Serena, he'd buy her a new piece of Jewellery or something that Blair suggested he buy her, she'd smile, defeated and fly back into his arms the way she first did a year ago.

Serena's breath hitched. She still was in love with possibly the most unattainable guy she had ever known. And _Princess_? How could she prevent the tingling sensation whenever he used his stupid nicknames?

"Hey." She replied simply. Chuck took her hand and no more was said between the two.

Blair rolled her eyes and then they met Dan's.

"So, are you going to tell me you miss Vanessa as much as I miss Nate?" She said, breaking the ice. She actually liked the prospect of talking to someone who wasn't part of a couple anymore. It wasn't as if she'd discuss such matters with all her new 'friends' who studied law. She had fell under the radar of Gossip Girl (or so it seemed) and Dan was still a sensitive Cabbage Patch kid deep down.

"Yeah it sucks, doesn't it?" Dan responded. Serena had led Chuck into the place he now bought his scarves from, leaving Blair with Dan. "Do you want to come to the book store?" He asked. Seeing Blair's quirked eyebrow he was taken aback,"Or not, I hate to drag you away from your couture." He added his sarcasm still very much intact.

"You're not the only person here who reads Cabbage Patch."

"Really? Oh that's right you're the ridiculously smart law student. Everyone except those studying medicine is beneath you now." He played along.

"Well excuse me for reading. I forgot that that hobby belongs exclusively to broody English literature students like you." Blair smiled. There was something about the situation that made her smile. It was the playful, snarky banter with a guy. For a time, it had been reserved for Nate, then Chuck and then Nate again, but she didn't really want anything besides a casual acquaintance with Dan, friendship at the most. She didn't feel right doing these things anymore with a guy that wasn't her boyfriend. And really, was it required that she share a triangle of guys with Serena?

"Yeah well I can't say there's any writing going on to accompany it." He said. Telling Blair things like this felt strange, but he knew Chuck would have sympathy for that. He didn't know why he thought Blair would, because she had been his scheming partner for sometime. They were so similar and that was partly the reason why they didn't work as well as they should have together.

"Oh poor you, what, no muse means no writing? Pull it together D-Hump. You know I haven't seen Serena pick up a book in months or write, yet she gets A grades every time." It sounded less harsh in her head.

"She effortless, though." Dan explained, as if he knew everything there was to know about her.

"And don't I know it." She said replied.

"You're spunkier than usual. No Nate means no occasional spurts of niceness?"

"Something like that." She relented.

--

"I set them up."

Serena's ice cream cone splattered on the sidewalk.

"Oh Christ." Then she sighed.

"I just...I don't know what I was thinking. They've always had this playful banter, haven't they? She's lonely, he's still lonely boy, I thought it was a good idea." Chuck tried to convince himself.

"Really Chuck, Dan Humphrey and Blair Waldorf?" She said, half stern, half amused. You do remember he's my ex, don't you?"

"No, but thanks for the reminder. Besides, everybody is somebody's ex, sweetie. We know that all too well." He stated superiorly, forever knowing everything.

"You really think you can pull anything off, don't you." She smirked. "You want to see Blair happy again? Let me show you how its done." Serena called Nate there and then.

"Don't you think I've tried that?"

"Hey Nate, look I didn't want to tell you this, but I thought that you should know." She began, daringly. She had the nagging feeling that Blair may kill her for this later, but desperate times call for desperate measures, do they not?

"Serena, hey...um...it's been a while-

"Blair and Dan are dating." She blurted out.

Nate choked. She was drunk or something, playing a cruel joke, although it had never been Serena's style.

"I'm sorry, Nate." She added in a more serious tone.

Nate hung up.

"Huh." Chuck said knowingly. "You tampered with their relationship S."

"Sometimes a little push is all you need." She replied, instinctively knowing what Nate would do next.

--

He'd never been known to take a direct course of action over anything, really.

Except Blair Cornelia Waldorf.

Nate returned to his dorm where his buddies were getting stoned. Amidst the cloud of smoke, he crammed polo shirts, jeans and several other necessities into the Nike sports bag he used to keep his lacrosse gear before stopping to check if he took his green sweater to California with him.

Of course he did.

He removed it from his drawer and placed it in the bag. If Serena was being serious (she had to be, didn't she?) then Blair would take it back and he could start over again.

Since she was.

Part of Nate knew this was coming, and he was surprised it hadn't happened sooner. Blair was the most beautiful specimen he'd ever seen, and of course he knew that really, she shouldn't settle for anything remotely like him. She was too good for their high school romance and she'd outgrown their vast, plans for a real life fairytale.

He was going to kick Dan's ass back to Brooklyn.

--

The morning after, Chuck found Blair in the lounge reading a book, recommended by Humphrey himself.

"Abandoning me with Cabbage Patch? Chuck you're all too transparent. But actually it was refreshing to discuss things with him. He misses someone too."

"I'm genuinely sorry. I just...haven't seen you happy for a while." He said, tightly.

"Chuck that part of my life doesn't belong to you." She said softly.

"Blair, it's not like that. Before we had our relationship, we had a great friendship. I'm trying to restore that." He explained.

"We're not the knifing promiscuous sex fiends we used to be Chuck. Dan and I have standards."

"Clearly." He said simply. "I _am_ sorry Blair. And whatever you think, I really do care about you."

"Clearly." She smiled. She couldn't be too harsh on him, it wasn't his fault there was only one Nate Archibald and he was far, far away.

The doorbell rang shrilly.

"We never get visitors." Serena said oh-so innocently, knowing who would be on the door step. She opened the front door with a huge grin.

"Is she here?" Nate's voice was cracked and the scent of vodka hit Serena immediately. It was the effects of a six hour flight with Nate constantly calling back the air hostess for more refreshments.

"Oh, she's here alright."

Blair peered around to see who it was.

"Oh my god," She murmured.

Nate cleared his throat. Of course, she was the picture of perfection this early, completely gorgeous. Her hair had the same sheen and he inhaled smell of the lavender shampoo she used as she put her arms around his neck and kissed him quickly on the lips.

"Listen...tell me you're not...or it was just once...and we'll be okay I promise-

"What?"

"I may have edited the truth." Serena told Nate mischievously.

"Say what now?" Nate couldn't help but smile at the sight of Blair. She kissed him. It felt so good. It had compressed the anger he was feeling when he bagged his bags in a complete jealous fit of rage. Blair turned around to look at Serena in a confused haze.

"They're not." Serena said, and it was all Nate needed to know.

"So you drag me out here, thinking my girlfriends screwing Humphrey, when really I shouldn't be worrying?" He shouted, scaring Blair out of his arms.

Silence ensued. It really was immature of Serena, but she just wanted her best friend to be happy, even if it was for only a few days.

"That's why I love you both." Nate smiled, embracing Serena with one arm and Chuck with the other. Serena giggled in relief before Blair jumped into Nate's arms and wrapped her legs around him.

"You know you love me." Serena high fived Chuck and as Blair and Nate went into her bedroom, Chuck kept her hand and pulled her into a hug.

"I do. I do...love you, Serena." His cheeks flushed and Serena's did too.

He didn't really say it. He couldn't. It was impossible. _Chuck Bass?_

They held each others gaze. _Why be dramatic like a certain other couple? _She thought. She wanted Chuck and he wanted her, it was that simple.

"Shockingly, I love you too."

--

"I felt like punching Dan when Serena told me." Nate remarked, pressing his lips to the nape of her neck.

"I love it when you fight for me." She murmured. It was different, usually Nate and she would engage in all the formalities before the main event; but they had talked enough.

Nate smiled full of pride. "You think I'm crazy for coming out here, right?"

"Yeah, well we're a crazy couple." She smiled at the last word of her sentence. _Yes, it's completely ridiculous that we've been together years and you're still the hottest guy I've ever seen! Would you just fucking propose to me already?_

Of course, she didn't say that.

He kissed her oh so delicately, then pulled away, his lips millimetres away from hers.

"Don't make me beg." She tried to sound commanding, but the desire broke through.

"How badly do you need this?" He asked playfully, laying her down on the bed.

"Nate..." she gasped kissing him more deeply this time. When they parted, their foreheads rested on each others. He twirled several stands of her hair, relishing the feeling of her beneath him once again.

"Quit staring." She said, although his green eyes all over her was the most enthralling feeling she'd ever experienced.

"It feels like years." He whispered.

"Its been months." Blair reasoned. "When you're so used to having a constant it's hard. I need that, Nate. I need you here, everyday. But we can't have that for now. But right now – by the splendour of Serena freaking' van der Woodsen - you're here and I need you."

She was only confirming what he already knew. He felt it, no one had ever needed him as badly right there in that moment.

No need to ask if she was sure, she was _always _sure.

--


	17. Now here is nowhere

Blair rifled through several unneeded objects she had carted with her to Yale. Most of the Chanel shoe boxes were filled to the brim with every photograph ever taken with her and Nate. She never looked at them during her time at college; she knew she'd only end up hurting. She wouldn't admit it, but Blair Waldorf was no masochist.

Blair had spent five years at Yale University and now, she had a place waiting for her in Harold's newly set up firm. At this age, Blair would've thought her father would be retiring, but working was something engraved in Waldorf DNA. At first, she was sceptic about the position; she knew she wanted to make her own name for herself. But a year in Paris, the home of labels, the home of love? Blair couldn't resist, especially since she spoke French like a goddess.

Chuck had progressed to taking over his father's company. The more Blair called him, the more he sent her pictures of new investments, the more it seemed like he was becoming Bart. Victrola was still going strong, but of course they rarely talked of Victrola.

Serena had finished her course the same year Chuck did. He wanted her to come with him back home, but she refrained. Serena had been performing in London's West End in 'Mamma Mia!' It was typical for Serena to be spotted by some artsy looking guy with a goatee and next thing, chosen for the role of Sophie in the musical.

So Blair was faced with the dilemma of finding a new roommate. The house the three had been renting was big enough to be a home to a quarter of Yale's student body – but to Blair, it didn't feel right to have strangers there, when it had so many memories for her, Serena and Chuck.

Then along came Dan Humphrey.

Blair enjoyed having him as a roommate. Unlike Serena or Chuck, he could actually cook and he was sweet and polite. When Blair would fall asleep, face down on her desk, her arms sprawled over her books, Dan would carry her to her bed. Needless to say, he had amassed a large book collection over the years which cured Blair of boredom. And that's how things were most of the time, dull. Without Chuck's scheming, without Serena pushing his buttons things had certainly quietened down over the past year.

Once – secretly of course, Blair thought she may have been falling for Dan. She never dared tell anyone, but she was starting to see what Vanessa and Serena had seen in him. There was a period when she'd glance at him from the corner of her eye when he was writing and crawl beside him in bed. Humphrey was a dear friend, because really, she was just missing someone else. And Dan was missing someone too.

The first summer, Nate had showed up at their door, this time sober and without bloodshot eyes. He scooped Blair to their romantic getaway as promised and Chuck and Serena joined them. And for that one hot summer, everything was as it always should have been. It was like they were on a honeymoon – only better. They were acting like teenagers again, except this time; they were both rid of their ridiculous infatuations with certain others.

The second summer really was like that scene from the Notebook.

Nate wanted more of Blair, but of course she couldn't give that to him. And she thought he could cope with that. They had been coping with it for two years. He was being a typical boy about the situation, what was the point of being together if they couldn't _be together_?

--

"_I just think were too young to always be like this."_

"_Like what? Together and happy?"_

"_Blair, we only see each other during summers and we both know those don't last long- _

"_Nathaniel Archibald don't you dare tell me how hard it is. You don't think it's hard for me?"_

_Nate took Blair into his arms. It hurt fighting like this. He didn't want to fight. _

"_We're so young...I think if we don't commit to anything now and in the future we can-_

"_The future?"_

"_We might want different things."_

_Blair wanted to slap him. What was this about? Blair Cornelia Waldorf had always known what she wanted. Of course, this was just so Nate, her opposite in every way, never sure._

"_So you don't want to commit? Fine. You think we want different things? That's because you don't think with your head Nate, you think with your dick. You always have." She pushed him away, a confused, hurt expression appearing on his face._

"_Blair, you're perfect for me. I know that. I don't think..._

"_Oh, god, spit it out Archibald!" It was the first time Blair had been truly furious for a while._

"_I don't think I am for you."_

"_Have you been sleeping with other people?" Blair asked more timidly._

"_Not...I haven't."_

_"But you will, though. I must be beyond stupid because this time I thought I wasn't in this alone-_

"_You haven't been." _

"_Until now. Why are you leaving me?" A single tear rolled down her porcelain cheek, leaving a stream of black down her face. Nate wiped it away, he couldn't stand something remotely marring Blair._

"_When you're gone I miss you so much," he began, he felt like crying. "Then I think of how much I'm holding you back-_

"_You're what keep's me working you moron. For us, for everything-_

"_You deserve someone who's always there." _

_Blair could see that Nate was long gone._

_--_

They didn't talk since departing from their summer house for the last time. A distance settled between them and it wasn't the physical one. Blair was dreading returning home because of him; the other part of her couldn't wait to be with her friends again.

"You've been in there a while, Waldorf, everything okay?" Dan called.

"Yeah, still packing!" Blair replied. Today, Chuck and Serena were due to drive to Connecticut to collect them. Serena had insisted upon it, saying that the trip would be long enough for them to have a proper catch up, although Blair hadn't much to tell. She hadn't slept with all the dashing young British guys Serena did nor pulled shady business deals Chuck had that virtually made him owner of the Upper East Side. There wasn't a lot to tell.

Blair packed the last of her things and hauled them to the entrance hall before walking into their kitchen for the last time, where Dan was having his fifth coffee of the afternoon.

"I don't want to go home." Blair admitted, tucking strands of her hair behind her ear.

"Blair I had no idea you felt-

"Shut up. You can't tell me you're ready to face Vanessa." She shot back.

"I am...not." He confided. "This is going to be bad, I know it."

"I thought you would be over it, what with living with me these past few months."

"You don't flatter yourself, do you?" He mocked, finishing his coffee. "We've both been with different people. We accepted it...now we might be ready for the big stuff, you know?"

Blair felt a stab of regret on hearing Dan's words. She and Nate were supposed to be ready for the big stuff too.

"I assume you and Nate are the same?" He asked. Dan just assumed that when they returned home, they'd be back to being Blair and Nate, Nate and Blair, the golden couple.

Blair hadn't spoken of Nate to Dan since Chuck tried and failed to set them up about four years ago. There was no point. It physically stung her lips whenever she imagined Nate on them.

"I doubt it." She replied vaguely.

"You don't mention him a lot." Dan stated. How insightful.

"I never told you about our fight that led to our breakup that led to me being less of a bitch than usual this year." She smiled wistfully.

"I thought it would've taken something like that for you to let me actually live in your residence." He smiled back. "You've been a good friend Blair." He said, setting down his mug and enveloping his arms around her. She did the same before the horn sounded, signalling for them to grow up.

Blair was going to miss her old life, because that's what it was. She could feel everything slowing down. She knew she was going to miss the feeling of _too fast too soon._

--

"B!" Serena flung her arms around he smaller girl. Serena was exactly the same as she was when she'd left Blair for London. Blair kissed her friend on both cheeks before waving at Chuck, sitting on the front of his mustang. With his same ridiculous scarf and sunglasses, the ruby red car suited him. Chuck flashed his signature cocky smile at her. They didn't change a bit, they didn't have too. Their world looked after its' own.

"Let's go home." Serena said gleefully.

--

"Really, Chuck, must we listen to this again?" Dan blurted out.

"Who owns the car, Humphrey? And besides, you should just be grateful I'm not Nate." He snapped, glancing at Blair in the mirror. She fidgeted and smiled at the thought of Nate blasting T.I. and other rappers from his car.

"How is he?" She asked.

"Thought you would know." He replied.

"Well I don't."

"Maybe you should ask."

"Maybe you should just tell me."

"Shut up, both of you," Serena told them. "Blair don't tell me you two haven't talked since..."

"We're not you two." She said irritably. "When we fight it doesn't just magically go back to how it was."

"It did in the early days. What changed?" Chuck jabbed.

"You did not just ask that." Blair laughed. Serena then giggled.

"I've missed this." Serena remarked, putting her hand over Chuck's.

--

It was night when they stopped at a gas station.

"You're on Gossip Girl?" Blair asked, amused. Chuck didn't even deny it.

"It's just...it's still the best way of keeping up."

"As if we're still on her radar." Blair said half relieved half sadly.

"Nathaniel certainly still is." Chuck handed his phone to Blair. It was Nate with little Jenny Humphrey. She supposed it was better than Vanessa.

"I can't believe him. Really getting around isn't he." She commented too bitterly.

"It doesn't say anything about them getting around any of little Hump's parts. Does Nate know you've been shacked up with Humphrey for the past year?" Chuck shot back smoothly.

"Nate didn't want to know. Shut up about Nate and I, please Chuck." The "please" part of the sentence sounded too pleading for Blair. Chuck stopped jabbing and decided to be honest about the matter.

"I just hope you two won't spend the rest of your lives running around in circles, dancing around each other but never getting it together because you're both older and bitterer than you both were at the delicate age of eighteen."

--

"Nate, it's always lovely to see you." Lily van der Woodsen greeted him warmly as she exited the men's department of Bergdorfs. She had been getting Rufus a birthday present.

"Mrs Van der Woodsen," Nate said warmly, although he wasn't sure what her exact title was these days. She was living with Rufus and to everyone's surprise she hadn't gone on her fifth marriage yet. The truth was, Lily knew she was too old for yet another failed marriage. And if her relationship with Rufus went sour, then at least she didn't have another one to add to the list.

"I'm throwing a dinner tonight, as a matter of fact. You do know Blair's coming home tomorrow? Anyway, you simply must come." She demanded in an undemanding tone.

Nate paused. He didn't know. He shouldn't have been surprised, Blair could be married for all he knew.

"I'll be there. What time should I arrive?" He asked.

"Seven o'clock Nathaniel. And wear a green tie, or shirt. Blair loves green." Lily smiled at him knowingly and Nate wondered if she knew what colour Serena liked on Chuck.

--

**A/N: **So the reason this chapter came a lot sooner than the others did is that after this week exams are basically going to rule my life. I know there was no Blair/Nate interaction, but don't worry because there certainly will be next time! (: Reviews make me do a little happy dance.


	18. Bliss or maybe not

**A/N:** Hey people (: so it's been a while since the last update, and by a while I mean like over a month (LOL) so sorry this update took that amount of time. It's just I'm kind of taking the most important exams of my life and fan fiction drops down the list when you have so many subjects to study for. And the demise of NB on the show put me on a downer, all I can say is that at least I like Blair with all the male characters and hey, we'll always have the books.

I want to say I'll never stop wanting to write GG fiction, but honestly if the third season is as bad as the second it's goodbye Gossip Girl for me. This season lacked in so many ways (seriously Josh, DS AGAIN?) and if the third season can't compensate for it, well there's so many other great shows out there, fulfilling their potential. Although season two did have its moments.

So in a way this last chapter is pretty much goodbye to NB for me, as I assume that the writers will be so obsessed with CB next season to the point where they'll pretend NB never happened. But like I said – we'll always have the books and Josh may fail to deliver, but Cecily always does. (: And with the release of "I will always Love you" coming in November, perhaps I'll get my BN muse back.

Writing this chapter was a challenge for me. I never had the story planned out at all, had no idea where it was going when I began it, it was literally made up as I went along. Reading over it again, it's actually very romantic and sweet, but then again so is the pairing. I went heavy on the angst in the beginning and for the ending I thought I should do the same; you know full circle and all that. But again, with NB breaking up on the show I started contemplating every possible ending, the one where BN are all blissful with marriage and whatnot, or the ending that implies that BN will eventually get their happy ever after one day and finally, the tragic one where they try to be happy without each other. Well, I went for one of said endings and I hope that most importantly, you find it fitting. And the fabulous song is 'Hysteric' by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Don't know this band? CHECK THEM OUT. KIND OF AMAZING.

So after the longest authors note in history, you can read and enjoy now. It's been fun. (: Spot the book reference. ;) Reviews are love!

**--**

It was inevitable.

They parted, only to meet again.

Blair Waldorf smoothed down her green Chloé dress she had purchased whilst shopping with Serena. When they returned home, they rediscovered the Upper East Sid in all its glory. It was very much different – but you know the saying. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

"You haven't called or even mentioned him." Serena peered around the door or her bed room. Lily still resided in the once Van der Bass residence, but now it was just a Humphrey-Van der Woodsen love nest. Serena decided not to jab Lily's heart. Had Lily not have ended up with Rufus, Serena knew she could have been with a Humphrey at this present moment. The parents really do make the mess and the kids just try to clean it up.

"Serena I need to ask you to do something." Blair informed her in a business-like tone.

"Okay." She asked, her eyes squinting. "If it's about Nate –

"It is." Blair cut her off. "I mean who else would it be." She said her tone sentimental. She looked downwards at her wrist at the platinum charm bracelet her father got her when she graduated. When she did graduate, she felt like a strong woman, ready to take on the world. She didn't need anyone by her side – she was Blair Waldorf and she wasn't anything if she wasn't completely indestructible. Except Serena knew, because Serena knew her best, that she was just a girl. Both of them were. "I know you and Chuck love me. And I love you both. But I need you not to force me and Nate together."

"We weren't planning to. You're not the only who's going to be without your ex-boyfriend." Serena smiled sadly.

"What happened? I thought...I thought he was waiting for you to come back and now you are." Blair's voice sounded irritated. Chuck and Nate were still very much the stupid boys too.

"He changed his mind. And the thing is he gets to because I'm the one that left. I just thought we'd go back to the way we were. But that's not how thing's play out. You don't marry the guy you dated in high school. You don't always get the dream job or home. You get what you get and you make the best of it." Blair wasn't accustomed to hearing such words of wisdom from Serena.

"I thought Nate and I were the immune exception." Blair laughed hollowly. "It felt like that." She sat down on the bed beside her friend and laid her head on her shoulder. A rush of nostalgia and raw emotion enveloped her. "That's why it hurts so much now. If I could just get that feeling back. But I can't. I can't even remember."

"Oh B." Serena wiped away the single tear that slid down Blair's cheek. "It's going to be okay. I know it's going to be hard seeing him again. And for the record you're not the only one who thought you and Nate were immune." She smiled. Blair regained her composure and looked at herself in the mirror.

"I don't know if Nate's even coming. I didn't invite him." Serena offered. "We're not nineteen anymore either so I can promise no desperate attempts from Chuck or I to get you two back together."

Blair smiled at her friend. She didn't feel at home here anymore. They had outgrown one of the largest cities in the world. It was like being forced back into a cage, like going back to a party that had already ended. She felt seventeen all over again and she didn't like it.

"Why did we come here?" She asked her aimlessly. She was sure Serena had a lot of reasons, but as Blair was leaving for Paris next month she couldn't really pinpoint why she came back, it was just expected of her.

"I have my reasons. Like Chuck, I came back for him but he doesn't want me anymore. Looks like I was just another play thing."

"That's not true. He's probably afraid of getting hurt again. He has feelings too. So, let's not let our feelings get in the way. Not tonight, at least." Blair walked out of the bedroom; Serena was still on the bed. Blair then turned around to face Serena.

"What? Let's go. We put on dresses and heels S, we're not avoiding them."

"I came back for you, B. And we both know you're here for Nate, even if it's going to be hard seeing him again. You need to see him again, even if it's just for closure." Serena said earnestly.

"I came back for you too S. And we both know your here for Chuck, don't we?" She smiled knowingly. "Even though it's going to be hard seeing him again, especially if it involves a lime green bowtie, ew." The girls both laughed.

--

"Do cheer up Charles." Lily cajoled as she admired the decadent table prepared for herself and her twelve guests, only a select few. Chuck threw a glance at her and shrugged off her comment.

"The whole I'm-tortured-because-my-father's-gone is getting old. He'd want you to live your life." She added in a commanding tone.

Oh, little did she know.

"I wouldn't have guessed his wife would be so quick to judge. And I'm not tortured." Chuck replied unconvincingly. Lily looked at him. She had always pitied Chuck, from the minute she discovered him drunk after being rejected for the umpteenth time by Bart. And she had only added to the guy's ever growing list of conflicting, internal issues.

Chuck nearly chocked on his scotch when Lily said her next statement.

"I don't judge, Charles. I don't. Do you think I haven't noticed? Serena hasn't had a boyfriend for five years. The same amount of time you haven't had a girlfriend." She smirked in triumph.

Chuck averted his gaze from the spectacular view the apartment provided to lock eyes with Lily once more.

"I always thought that this was the part where you disown Serena and me." His lips curled upwards. They didn't have to tell Lily. The woman couldn't have been that preoccupied with Rufus, after all.

"I wasn't exactly broadcasting it," she began, "but I'd never disown my daughter. She's done some things but you can't help who you fall in love with."

"You don't have to worry about anyone finding out anymore." He said seriously, with sad eyes.

"Chuck, let me tell you something. You don't risk reputations built over years or what people perceive you as so carelessly as you did with Serena if you weren't in love."

"Did you love my father?" The question was instinctual; he'd wanted the answer for so long.

"I...there were times when I loved him, yes –

"Were you in love with my father?" He repeated with a little more rage lining his tone.

"No. I can't say I was." She conceded. Chuck took another sip of scotch and felt like laughing. But he didn't. His father deserved better.

Just then, Serena and Blair tumbled out of her room in a fit of laughter, as if they were strolling out of Constance on a Friday afternoon after laughing at a minion or something else ridiculous. They both approached Chuck who was donning his usual attire of suit, bowtie and Gucci loafers.

"You do know he'll be here." Chuck said to Blair confidentially, as if it was some secret. Blair nodded ambiguously. She was dreading the meeting, but she knew it was coming, she felt it. She couldn't possibly avoid the man if she wanted to. She could already picture him. He'd still be beautiful without trying. He'd still be as charming. And that strange static that existed between her and him would still be there. Of course, by this stage she had resided herself to the fact that it was over, they were the high school King and Queen and although they may own the school, they never _actually _ended up together.

"Of course he's coming. It's Nate." Serena replied in a factual tone, which made Chuck throw a dagger in her direction. Immediately sensing the tension, Blair backed away as Dan and Rufus Humphrey walked through the door.

"Oh hey, someone who isn't Chuck or Serena." She smiled at Dan warmly and he embraced her fleetingly.

Before her gaze landed on him. Immediately, instinctively. It always did.

His lips curled up in a smile. He wore a Hugo Boss emerald button down beneath a black suit.

"Oh god." The statement flew from her lips unintentionally.

"Blair?" Dan asked, smiling in confusion before realizing why.

Blair let her arms fall from Dan as she walked over to Nate, like she'd been walking to him for a lifetime. The feelings she thought she'd feel when she saw him; anger, jealousy and betrayal disintegrated. She only felt happy and elated to see him.

Before Jenny Humphrey appeared right on cue.

Blair was too close to him to just storm off (as if either one of them could pull themselves away) so she hugged him awkwardly, patting him on the back as platonically as possible. Nate let his fingers play on her luxurious locks before she pulled away swiftly.

"You look stunning." He smiled, his bright smile coming out to play.

_As if you don't. _"I know." She smirked.

Without even addressing Jenny, Blair retreated back to Chuck and Serena, who were actually going to greet Nate themselves.

--

This wasn't a dinner. This was a fiasco.

For so many people who knew each other so well, the room was completely stifled with tension and the city heat. Nothing was said to Blair except for the congratulations on the position her father had ready for her. Whilst Serena filled the room with wild tales of London nights, Dan talked about the novel he had in line for publishing and Chuck talking about all his additions to the Bass empire and Jenny impressing Lily so much with her advancements in the fashion world, Blair felt like the girl she was never supposed to be.

The girl who was going somewhere to be forgotten.

She suddenly realized that no, this wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to be fathers little girl anymore who had everything she wanted without working for it. Hell, even Nate was modelling and if Nate could find a purpose other than being just a pretty face who got more action than well, anyone in the Upper East Side then what was Blair doing working for her father?

Chuck and Serena bickered from opposite ends of the table. Nate and Jenny only talked to each other. Vanessa wasn't here, off in Berlin for something nobody was aware of except Dan.

She and Nate made eye contact with each other more times than what was comfortable, or what could pass off as accidental. The fact was, he couldn't stop looking at her. She wasn't the venomous, slightly psychotic and always lustful girl anymore, she was a woman. The woman he still wanted.

Everybody here had someone. Except Blair. She didn't want to peg herself as the girl who always needed someone by her side, because she knew she could have any guy she wanted.

"Fuck this." She muttered before tossing her napkin on the table and storming out in her Christian Laboutin black heels.

She took a red coat from the coat stand, it could have been Lily's but she didn't care.

"Blair, where are you going?" Serena whispered, her eyebrows knitting together.

"I can't be here. With him. It's too much." Blair said through gritted teeth.

"I'll come with you –

"I want to be alone."

"I'll come with you." It was a plea from Serena, not an offer.

Looks like B isn't the only one with ex-boyfriend issues, then.

--

"We're pathetic." Blair observed.

"They're just so typical. They move onto the latest fling and we're just stuck after all these years. You're right, it's pathetic." Serena replied. Her cell phone rang and she ignored the call. "It's my darling mother." She dismissed.

The women found themselves sitting on the steps of the Met, where they'd ruled from days before. Sometimes, things from this point where just so easy. When Nate and Blair had an argument over something petty, he'd just walk up and kiss her and that would be that. It made him look like a complete stud and it made Blair look like the luckiest girl in Manhattan. He'd always have something ridiculously cheesy and if it had gotten really heated, it would be a gift from Tiffany's. Blair would throw her arms around him. All would be well because when it came down to it, they were in love.

"Maybe I should have a date with Carter, if he's still available." Blair mused, knowing the situation direly needed humour

"You can't steal my backup." The girls erupted into giggles, before they remembered that their boys just didn't want them anymore.

Serena shook her head how Lily would whenever her daughter would be the start of the latest scandal. Knowing, sardonically and loving all at once.

"You'll never be happy without him," she stated with superiority, "you're always going to ask what if. You could settle down with someone else sure, but they would never be him. Never be the first love. Never be as perfectly flawed. They'd never be Nate. I don't want you both to settle for other people. I don't want my best friend to give up on all the things she's ever wanted. No...if you two don't end up together it's just wrong...you'd always regret not ending up with each other."

The speech was heartfelt, coming from the girl who'd once slept with him. But Serena certainly had grown over the years and she had faith in them and knew them well enough to know that they'd always find each other in the end.

Blair wanted to disagree profusely, she did. But Serena was right, Serena was always right. She could find some other blond golden boy or someone tall, dark and handsome not unlike Carter Baizen.

They wouldn't be him.

"Chuck is so obviously in love with you." Blair offered.

"Why can't he just be with me then without all this weirdness? As if we never connected in the first place? I missed him every day, but I have to live life B, you know?"

Blair nodded. "We can do this S. Fine, it won't be the same but we can find other people to make us happy."

"I won't have a wing woman. And Vanessa's jetting off somewhere every week so..."

"I'm staying." Blair admitted. "I'm going to call my dad tomorrow and tell him that whilst I love him and Roman that I refuse to be a footnote on my fathers oh-so successful career."

"Good for you. I knew you wouldn't leave anyway." She smiled.

"You did now?"

"Uh huh. Blair, you belong here."

"I know." She replied reluctantly.

Just as Serena sparked up a cigarette, Nate Archibald strolled up to them. He'd definitely maintained the looks and charm, but something was less...lost about him. He wasn't just drifting anymore; he had goals, objectives he wanted to achieve. And someone he wanted to achieve them with.

"Mind if a steal one?" He asked Serena. Serena smiled and lit one for him.

"So I'm going to leave you both to it." She told them, smirking.

"No, don't." Blair and Nate both told her in unison. They glanced at each other again and Serena laughed.

"You both clearly have to talk. So talk." She said mysteriously, disappearing.

Nate sat down beside Blair. The emotions she felt were so blurred at this point, but she decided not to fight.

"How did you know?" She asked timidly.

He looked at her, smiling crookedly. "I know you."

"Doesn't feel like I know you anymore. Jenny Humphrey? Well, the fashion designer and the model. It's a tad predictable if you ask me but then again...nobody really asked me anything tonight." She said, half bitter, half expectantly.

"I'm sorry. You know how I am; I didn't know what to say. And Jenny and I? Just friends." He clarified triumphantly.

Blair scoffed. "Friends with benefits, I'm sure."

"No, friends with extremely laughable love lives." He responded. Blair tossed the remains of the cigarette away. "There's been no one since you, Blair."

Blair felt touched, sweetly, but then it gave way to anger.

"So why did you end it then?" She demanded her expression hardening.

"I...I just –

"Wanted to screw around a bit."

"Wanted for you not to resent me for being possessive –

"Oh God. I was the one who could cope with the distance."

"I'm not arguing with you Blair."

"There's a lot of things you wouldn't do with me, Nathaniel."

Both remained silent.

"I missed this." Nate conceded, before Blair flung her arms around him.

--

Serena entered the penthouse in the manner in which she did when she was fourteen, sneaking in after a night of debauchery with Georgina Sparks.

"Lillian's not here." Chuck told her, ending the evening as he begun it; sipping scotch.

"Had to get out of there...old triangle of doom vibes, you know?"

For the first time all evening, he chuckled. She didn't care what anyone thought of her. She was free and he didn't want to restrict her. He'd never change her and he didn't want to.

"Your mom knows." He told her, waiting for her to protest.

"Remember when we were eighteen? And we'd kiss like this." She kissed him, in a deep kiss. "I didn't care then, I don't care now." Chuck smiled deviously. He needed her, now.

"But I care." He whispered, his hands snaking around her waist.

"So stop." She instructed.

"I can't. It's effortless for you...it always has been."

"It was effortless for you too." She reminded him, kissing him once more. "It's why we worked."

"You're speaking in the past tense." He pointed out.

"Chuck, I'm still in love with you. You still love me; don't deny it because I know. So why won't you be with me?"

"Your still...you're still bad S. Still need your freedom, you way." He said, as if it was some universal truth.

"What I need is my way with you." She said, knowing he was close to breaking.

And he did give in, eventually beginning to kiss her back.

They found themselves in his old bedroom, their former sanctuary from the days when everything they had was hidden.

She threw him on the bed. It was a blur of clothes, kisses and curiosity, as if they were discovering each other all over again.

Eventually, he was clad only in Calvin Klein underwear when an idea came into Serena's head.

"Wanna try something new?"She suggested, diving into his wardrobe and fetching two of his signature scarves, again from days gone by.

He laughed. "You're not serious?" His eyebrows rose. Serena nodded. "My, my. You really _are _back."

"You have no idea." She replied, tying him up, kissing her way down his chest heatedly. The knots were so secure it made Chuck uncertain. Everything about the girl did.

"This isn't fair." He noted, referring to the fact that Serena was still fully clothed.

"Love isn't fair." She quipped, taking out her scarlet red Chanel lipstick.

"S..." he trailed, not able to protest fully.

'I love you - S.' was written on his chest before she swiftly kissed him on the cheek, grinning like the joker she was.

"Serena! You can't do this. Please, S. I love you, okay!"

"You once told me love was a game Chuck. So we should play, right?" She shouted from the hallway, beaming, cheeks flushed. She was only one who gets him like this. To know him, to get him to actually _beg. _

"You're still bad S." He murmured, laughing.

--

"Would the lady like a lift?" An old man asked as Nate and Blair were strolling in the park.

"Yes, please." Nate said, remembering the time they had first officially got together. They had spent the day touring the city, basically, visiting the zoo and taking a horse-drawn carriage. They were Gossip Girl's first post.

Blair rested her head on Nate's shoulder.

"I remember you two." The man said. Nate was slightly estranged, but it was nice all the same. "Fourteen years old, in love then, in love now. Great thing to see, getting married?" He asked his moustached shifting as he talked.

"Let's not even go there." Blair laughed. _Of course._

--

"Not even a kiss goodnight?" Nate prompted playfully.

"There's...still stuff to work through." She said in protest, although it was just a feeble attempt to convince herself not to have him in her bed tonight.

"You just can't resist." He gloated, plating a kiss on the crook of her neck, where it got her. Every time.

"Shut up. Models – so arrogant."

"Blair. We're back on track, right?" This felt like they were sixteen again.

"We'll see." She arched an eyebrow playfully.

In that moment, she knew.

--

_No longer, no longer_

_What you ask,_

_Strange steps,_

_Heels turn black_

Its three weeks when she stops making him work for it.

It starts when she tells Serena and Vanessa when they're on a girly Friday afternoon, shopping.

"It's time." She told them, "Nate and I. Today is when I finally give in." She smiled gleefully.

"You two are crazy," Vanessa began, "As soon as I saw Dan at the airport that was that." She informed them.

"Dan is not as prideful as Chuck Bass." Serena reasoned, after urging Vanessa to buy Perspex heels.

"Or as clueless and gorgeous as Nate." Blair added.

"Yeah well we were raised in the real world." Vanessa jabbed and they giggled.

Later, Blair finds herself on the steps of the Met. She asked him to meet her right on the spot, and he abided, no questions asked.

_The cinders, the cinders,_

_They lights the paths_

_And these strange steps_

_Take us back, take us back_

"Are you propositioning me, Blair Waldorf?" He asked his hair tousled, fresh off the set of a photo shoot.

"Well what did you have in mind?"

"Well we have to restrain ourselves in public, Blair." They smiled bashfully at each other.

"Let's just be together. Do you want to get back together, Nate Archibald?" She asked.

"I do. Do you want to, Blair Waldorf?" He questioned, nearing her.

"I do." She told him readily.

_Flow sweetly,_

_Hang heavy,_

_You suddenly complete me,_

_You suddenly complete me_

"Always have." She added, smiling just before he captured her lips with hers.

"Always will." He said after the kiss that sealed their fate, forevermore.

It was inevitable. They parted, only to met again.


End file.
